I want to say this again: "Fighting hatred with more hatred, violence with more violence, anger with more anger, or prejudice with more prejudice never created a better world. If we really want to change this world, we must fight harder against our own limited perspectives and try harder to walk around in the skin of someone else, even if that "other" seems completely and totally in the wrong from where we stand now." ~Joni Newman~

If you think Alton Brown or Philando Castille were criminals who deserved it now would be the time to try and put yourselves in their shoes and their families shoes NO MATTER HOW RIGHT YOU THINK YOU ARE.

If you think the police are by and large racist and corrupt and power hungry now would be a good time to try and put yourselves in their shoes and wonder what it would be like to really be in a situation like that NO MATTER HOW RIGHT YOU THINK YOU ARE.

It is not a time to say, "Well I would NEVER do {x, y, z} if I were pulled over." It is not a time to say "Well I would NEVER do {x, y, z} if I were a cop." It IS time to really look inside yourself and try to walk in another persons shoes for just a moment.

What would Jesus do in the aftermath of what has happened? He definitely wouldn't say that either of the black men deserved what happened no matter what their criminal records were. He absolutely wouldn't have said the Dallas police officers deserved what happened. He has already told us what to do! Please mourn all the lives! Please open your arms to your neighbors, even if they are criminals! Aren't we commanded to visit the sick and imprisoned? Jesus didn't hang out in places that would have made any of us very comfortable. Make yourself uncomfortable and reach out in understanding. Volunteer with an organization that helps underprivileged people. Try to identify and undo your own prejudice. Remove the mote in your own eye before you point out the beam in someone else's.

No more division among "liberal media" and "conservative media." Read both and realize that the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. We need to be cool with our differences! No one is right all the time. Sometimes the liberals have it right. Sometimes the conservatives have it right. And Jesus is neither one. He isn't cheering just for your team. He cheers for us all.

Back to Blogging?

My kids are getting older and as they grow up some I find myself with more time on my hands! Two blog posts in one week after months of no blogging? Either I have a lot on my mind or else I just have more time now that my kids are post-baby age and pre-school age.

So the thing I hate the most about infertility treatments are that I just feel like I am not in control of my own body. It's really not a very nice feeling. All I want is for it to work properly and it doesn't. I am on the time table dictated by my physician: Exercise now. Don't exercise now. Take this. Don't take that. Have sex now. Wait a few days before having sex. Wait. Test yourself on this day.

We are taking a break for several months while we save up for more treatments and also just to give ourselves an emotional rest. Yesterday I signed up for a sprint triathlon. I can't wait. It feels so awesome to be dictating the schedule TO my body instead of being dictated to BY my body.

Today I started my training with a 9 mile bike ride. It felt amazing. Instead of googling "early pregnancy signs" or "earliest I can take a pregnancy test after an IUI" I am googling "full sleeve vs. sleeveless wetsuit" and "12 week training ideas" and looking up nearby training facilities. It just feels so good to feel like I have some control for a little while. I've already booked the hotel for our family for my race. We're planning on making it a little family vacation. It's been fantastic.

So here is to several months of taking control until I am ready to put the timing of my life back in the Lord's hands.

(pic from a tri I did about a year ago) 

Infertility Round 2

I am back in the throes of infertility treatment. I truly forgot how awful it was. It's a good thing I forgot how awful it was or I can tell you now that I would NEVER have done it again. All the meds. All the expense. It feels like a $2000 gamble every time I try to get pregnant. It is so discouraging when it doesn't work out. The medications make me feel irritable and tired and the two week waiting period is just as miserable as it ever was.

We just failed our second round. I am feeling so discouraged. I just want to give up and say to hell with it all while I try to be the best mom I can be to the blessings I already have. And maybe I will do that. But the day you take a failed pregnancy test is probably not the best day to make any decisions about future fertility treatments...

Acts 26:28 and Laudato Si

Do you know what Acts 26:28 says? It is King Agrippa speaking to Paul and he says, "Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian."

I feel like as I read Laudato Si, the second encyclical of Pope Francis, I can place myself in Acts 26:28:

"Then Amanda said unto Pope Fancis, Almost thou persuadest me to be a Catholic."

Pope Francis says some seriously cool stuff. I'm loving his example more and more as time passes. I really believe he is called by God to be where he is, even though I'm Mormon and not Catholic.

I haven't finished reading it but I plan to. It is beautifully written and essentially talks about being better stewards of the earth and taking care of the vulnerable and poor. Lately I have been working out in my mind how to do both of those things so this encyclical really spoke to me.

Sometimes I wish I had the ability to see into people's hearts like Jesus did.  He took such good care of the poor and always knew what to do. He spent time with people who others overlooked or looked down on. He knew how to take care of people in the best way to help them. I hope when I meet my Maker the same can be said of me.

If I could thank Pope Francis for his inspired words I would. My dad always said to me, "You know, Amanda, if we were not Mormon we would be Catholic."

I Should Be Packing

It's time again to update the blog. I really should be packing. One week from today we will be driving away from Las Vegas in our big Penske truck heading toward the Valley of the Sun.

I'm tired of packing. I had a hard workout today. I just want to sit down for a little while. I no longer use Facebook. I've already caught up on reading other friends blogs. I still want to sit down for a while. I won't shop. I try to avoid shopping unless I absolutely need something. All of my books are packed away. So I'll update my blog.

Life in Las Vegas has been good to us. I was really involved in a local choir, the Las Vegas Master Singers, and I loved that. We met once a week and performed 5 or 6 times. It was fantastic. I hadn't been in a choir in over four years prior to that. It was balm to my soul. Mark and I both faithfully worked out at the gym and participated in triathlons. It feels great to be strong and healthy.

The ward I am in is small so I did not make a lot of friends. But it isn't about quantity. It is about quality. I met and became friends with some of the most quality women I can imagine: Jamie, Dawn, Rachelle, Johanna, and Heather to name a few. I spent the most time with Jamie and Dawn. We have children that are the exact same ages. Austin LOVED to play at their houses or have them come and play with us. We went to splash pads, parks, and pools. We had lunch together innumerable times. They were so good to me and I am SO sad to be leaving them behind. It doesn't bear thinking about. Thank goodness I plan on coming back to Las Vegas annually to participate in triathlons here!

Mark became a biking king. He biked to work almost every single day he wasn't working at the VA and when he was at the VA, I biked the kids around in a bike trailer. You can't ask for better weather to bike in than Las Vegas. Mark really settled into his life as a doctor. I am not sure he would say it but I definitely saw a huge increase in his confidence regarding patient care. He grows more knowledgeable by the day. I'm so proud of him.

The program was really easy on us as a family. We had lots of time to spend together. We went lots of fabulous places: Red Rock, Arizona, Utah, the Grand Canyon, Eiffel Tower Restaurant, Bellagio Fountains, Exotics Racing. We did SO many fun things while we lived here. It was a growing year for us as far as memory making goes. We made some fantastic memories.

Austin is just finishing his first round of swimming lessons. I'm really proud of him for trying his best.

Sean can reach just about anything with a stool these days. We definitely have to keep our eye on our Angel of Destruction :)

We did have to say goodbye to our cat, Moses, while we were here. He got sick and we had to have him euthanized.

By and large, Las Vegas has been a great place to live and we can see ourselves possibly coming back here to live permanently if there is a job available when Mark is finished with his training. But it is goodbye for now.

Thanks, Las Vegas, for a great year!

Time Flies

Where in the world has the time gone?! So much for my goal of blogging more regularly this year! I'll just do quick updates on everyone.

Mark is keeping busy at work. Very busy. He is on his third in-patient medicine rotation. Those keep him hopping. We don't see him as much as we would like but the time we do spend together is awesome. He just rocked his Olympic Triathlon last week.

Austin is becoming more conversational every single day. It is an absolute joy talking to him. He is just so fun and says the darndest things. We were listening to Pandora Radio the other day and a Mary Poppins song came on. In the middle of the song she sings really high. In the song she just keeps going but in the movie she pauses and says "Cheeky!" So in the middle of the song Austin says, "Cheeky!" where Mary says it in the movie. It was SO cute. He loves to rock out to music, fix things with his tools, play with cars, watch Daniel Tiger, and ride his bike.

Sean is also becoming more wordy. He gets more words every week it seems. He says please, thank you, mama, dada, Austin, no (his personal favorite), yes, up, down, hug, bye-bye, hi, block, book, kiss, milk... I'm sure I'm forgetting some. He loves to walk up to Mark when he gets home from work and say, "DA!" and give him a hug. It is darling. He loves to follow his brother around. He loves to play with cars and watch movies. He loves to walk and run.

I am doing great, too. I also finished a triathlon last week. I did the sprint course. It was a blast doing it with Mark. I love being a mom. I am feeling sad that Austin will be going to school in just two short years. I'm anxious about what I'll do when I'm not a SAHM anymore. But until that day I am going to enjoy as many moments as I can. I just cut 11 inches of hair off. I'm still participating in Las Vegas Master Singers- a local choir. I'm taking care of business at home. There is sure a lot of it and it all takes longer with kids. I've made some fantastic friends in Las Vegas. I'm SO sad I'll be leaving them :( I hate moving. And that is about it!

Lent

Lent is a powerful idea-- giving up something daily for just over a month in order to focus more fully on what is important.

Christmas is such a special holiday but when it comes to religiosity Easter is my favorite-- hands down. There is much less fuss around Easter and more time to focus on Jesus Christ. I love it.

I'm a little late for starting Lent this year. In fact-- I've never done it. But my growing addiction to Facebook has led me to start Lent a little late. I'm giving up Facebook and choosing to focus on my children for Lent.

It's been over a week now and I haven't been so fulfilled and so happy in a long time. I'm not saying Facebook is bad. For people who use it in moderation I think it is awesome. I wish I could use it in moderation. But I can't. I've been spending hours a day either reading facebook posts or reading the links other people post. And reading all those things has been consuming my thoughts, feelings, and time. It was all I would talk about with my husband (who would patiently listen but now admits he likes our conversations better). It would take time away from my children. I just got absorbed in an unhealthy way.

So I quit. I mean I really quit. I deactivated my account. I deleted my entire computer history so my computer wouldn't automatically put Facebook in the search bar when I entered the letter "f." I was so in the habit all I had to do was type "f" and my computer would fill the rest of it in. So I would type "f" then "enter" and bam-- I'd be there. That is why I had to delete the history. In the last week I have automatically typed f+enter and just gotten the letter "f" in a google search. The habit was so strong. I had my computer forget my password.

And I've been doing so well this week! I've spent more time really connecting with my friends through phone calls and long personal e-mails. I've spent more time playing and reading with my children. I've kept my house much cleaner. I've exercised more. I've read the Wall Street Journal (we have a subscription) and talked about those articles with my husband. I've given undivided attention to movies and books. It's just been a wonderful thing for me.

When I am past my fear of using Facebook too much perhaps I'll rejoin. Until then I may just continue this Facebook fast past Easter. I'm thankful for strong religious traditions (even those not of my faith) that help people become better. I'm thankful for Lent.

Old Wheezy

For all the disadvantages of the field of work my husband has chosen there are also fantastic benefits.

Last night was a long night. I stayed up too late because sometimes I just need quiet alone time at the end of the day to decompress. I went to bed around 11:00. I peeked in on my boys to check on them. I do that every night before I go to bed. When I went in to see Sean he lifted his head and started to cry and wheeze. 

Austin had croup twice an infant and toddler so I know what it sounds like. I also had been coughing and wheezing all evening. I went in and woke up Mark to have him take a listen. He said he thought he would be okay; but when I went to try and put Sean back to sleep, and he was hysterical because he couldn't breathe properly, Mark got out of bed and took a second listen. 

He then got on the phone, found a 24 hour pharmacy, called in a prescription for Sean, and went out at 1:00 AM to pick up the prescription. No emergency room visit. No doctor visit. Just the right medicine in the right amount at the right time. Sean is doing much better and we were all able to get back to sleep at 2:30 (after Austin woke up crying once.) 

I'm so thankful to have a Doctor Husband. It sure is nice on long nights with a croupy child. 

Never Stop Trying

It's never to late to keep trying with those resolutions. I should have... six(?) blogposts by now if I were keeping up with my resolution. As it is... well. This is my second. But I'm going to keep trying! Today I'm going to write about super cute things my kiddos are up to!

Sean is (almost) a walker! He loves to toddle from furniture piece to furniture piece. He loves to push himself up in the middle of the floor and take a few steps. He loves the cheers he gets every time he is successful. What a cutie pie. He has a few words too! He can say the following: dada, mama, nana, up, ba (ball). He has 12 teeth!!! I can't believe what a mouthful he has got at his young age! One of the cutest things he does is crawl right up to me or Mark and stick his head between our legs. That is his way of saying "Pick me up!" He is our little scientist. He just gets into EVERYTHING. He is constantly on the go opening this, pulling that down, pushing those buttons, banging things together, tearing apart books, and generally leaving mayhem in his wake. We wouldn't have him any other way.

Austin is working on using the potty. I tried the whole "Potty Train in 3 Days!" method. It didn't really work for me (notice the emphasis) or Austin. It gave him the general idea of how to use the potty. We kept at it for about a week before I had a nervous breakdown and put him back in diapers. About three weeks after that he asked to start wearing his underpants with "cool race cars on them!" And now he is a potty champ with #1. He is terrified to go #2 in the potty so he will either hold it until nap time when he gets a diaper, go first thing in the morning before we put his underpants on, or ask for a diaper. He had several poop accidents that first week and withheld a lot. That is mostly what caused me to flip out on him. After I did that I was totally ashamed and decided I was the one who needed an attitude adjustment. So once I got on an antidepressant and chilled out things have been going smoothly, but slowly. I feel confident that he will get #2. We keep encouraging him to try to use the potty for it but he's just not ready. We try not to pressure him. I know he'll get there. He's such a good boy and has gotten everything else in his life on his own time schedule (didn't walk until 16 months!) I sure love him and I'm proud of the effort he has already made. He's such a good son.

Austin is also talking like you wouldn't believe! You would never know he is only 2! He speaks more clearly than some 3 and 4 year-olds I know. He loves to read, talk, play with his cars and trains, ride his tricycle, and watch movies and Daniel Tiger. He is super affectionate and gives what we call "serial hugs" where he will go back and forth between Mark and I saying "I LOVE YOU!" while he gives us hugs.

So that's where my boys are. I love being a mom more than I can say. It is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Resolutions

Lots of people criticize New Year Resolutions but they actually are really helpful for me. And I don't care if only do them for one month or two months or the whole year! That I do them at all is awesome I think and I am that much better for it.

So this year I have resolved to blog once a week, mostly for the sake of my family record. I don't wax philosophical here these days. It just isn't in me right now. The daily grind of motherhood sort of squelched what little I had out of me. I love to READ that sort of stuff, I just don't spout it myself :) And generally motherhood isn't a grind. Mostly I think my life is freakin' awesome! But I'm having a lot of anxiety right now about potty training and moving again.

It's been a quiet week. Mark is on a busy rotation so we don't see a lot of him and the little we do see is exhausted and disconnected. I'm thankful he did not choose a specialty that will require so much of his time. He truly wouldn't have been happy with it. But we are HALF WAY DONE! Radiology here we come!

Another Year Gone

Oh man! Where has the time gone! This has been the craziest year. We have done so many things as a family I have hardly had any time to blog. I used to be a pretty faithful blogger but not lately! This poor blog has been all but abandoned! But a new year is here. Perhaps this blog will get a little more loving.

We've done a million things since I last blogged. I don't even know where to begin.

Christmas was awesome. We had it with just us because Mark only had Christmas Eve and Day off (thanks to his awesome co-interns.) We did tons of stuff around Vegas: Bellagio Conservatory, Santa Train in Boulder City, E.M. Cactus Garden Lights, Las Vegas Motor Speedway Lights, Opportunity Village Magic Forest, Las Vegas Philharmonic Christmas Concert.

We went to Death Valley. It was amazing.

We went on an awesome vacation to Arizona in November when Mark had two weeks off. We went to Gardinerville to see Douglas and Carmen. They took us to Lake Tahoe. We went to the Grand Canyon for a second honeymoon. We went to Sunset Crater. We went to the Mogollon Rim. We went to the sinks in Snowflake. We had Thanksgiving with family.

We've been to Red Rock Canyon several times. I completed a triathlon.

I've made some wonderful friends here. I still keep in touch with friends from North Carolina.

We've been busy! So busy! But it has been an amazing busy-ness full of family and love and time spent together creating memories.

I've got lots of ambitions to make my life even better in this new year. Here's hoping 2015 is as awesome as 2014!

Random Post

We've been in Las Vegas for almost three months. The time is going by so quickly! I feel so blessed to have already made some wonderful friends in my new ward. They've really taken me in.

I miss North Carolina more than I can say. I miss the climate. I miss the trees. I miss the neighborhood we lived in. But most of all I miss my friends.

Las Vegas is already meeting our expectations, though. We have had more family visits in our three months in Vegas than we had in our four years in North Carolina. That is the main reason we moved here-- to be closer to our family. And it has been absolutely wonderful. My mom popped over for a few days this week just because she wanted to. It was fantastic to have her here. It was so easy to say goodbye because I'm planning to pop over to Snowflake for a visit next month. I love it! Two of Mark's siblings have visited us here. My brother has visited us. Mom and Dad Bailey have been here and we are going to see them again next week. So much family time!

I'm trying to build a life and routine for myself and my family here. Mark's routine is pretty set and he is starting to become friends with his coworkers. I have started training for a triathlon. I take my kids to the library weekly. I try to attend a play group weekly (when family isn't here.) I have started quilting. I have started making my own bread from wheat I grind myself. I get myself and my boys outside everyday while I hang out the laundry. To be honest I feel like I am living this idyllic life. I just love it.

For Mark's birthday I gave him a year of pre-planned dates. One in. One out. We just finished up our August dates and it was amazing! The both took place on Friday nights when we would otherwise have been too tired to plan anything. I can't wait to date my husband for the next 11 months with those plans. It might just be something we have to plan out more often.

Las Vegas is great but I am already anticipating the move we'll be making in 10 months and it makes me feel weary and anxious. But I know that I can't hold myself back from this place. I have to invest myself fully into my friendships and my ward family here if I want to be happy and fulfilled.

P.S. Random hilarious Austin quote of the day-- I am outside pouring wheat into the wheat grinder and Austin is watching me. He very excitedly points to the wheat and says, "Thas cat food, mommy!" I promise it was wheat. :)

Some pictures for your enjoyment:

This pose happens at least once a day. Austin loves to cuddle Sean. The following two pictures were taken about a week apart. 

We enjoyed our own fireworks on the 4th of July. The boys were entranced. 

Sean is a mover. He rolls everywhere and can almost army crawl. I promise I don't stick my kids under the bed. He got there all by himself. 

When Mark is rotating at UMC he rides his bike to work. Austin here was putting on his shoes and helmet, walking to the bike and saying, "Bye! I go work! Bye!"

Austin is showing Sean his book with roads in it and demonstrating how to drive a car on a road.

Austin loves "baby monster" (the brown one). The yellow one belongs to Sean. Nana made them. He also loves the "Baby Monster Movie" (Monsters Inc.) and has to be holding the baby monsters while he watches it.

So I often will hold Aus in one arm and Sean in the other and say "My babies! My babies!" while I give them hugs and kisses. The other day I heard Aus in the other room saying "My babies! My babies!" while holding the two monsters the way I hold Sean and him. It was darling. He is a darling boy with a heart of gold. 

Viva Las Vegas!

Well we made it. We are now settled into Las Vegas and Mark starts his first shift as a resident tonight.

Dr. Bailey. Wow.

As graduation approached initially I thought I could see a light at the end of the medical training tunnel. But I can't. Must have been a mirage or something. We've still got a long way to go. I think with this last move I have just realized how tired I am of living in a perpetual state of limbo-- not being able to put down roots anywhere. I've readjusted my expectations and I know I'll be okay, but I'm just ready for the moving to stop. It makes me weary to think that exactly one year from now I will be unpacking boxes in Phoenix while Mark starts another new job. Being settled for four years after that sounds pretty sweet. But then there will be another move for fellowship and then another move or two while we look for that perfect job. *sigh* I better stop thinking about it. It makes me teary and weary.

But Las Vegas is great. The ward members here have really taken us in. We've already got a calling. I've already found some truly wonderful women who have taken me under their wings and promised to take care of me this year while my husband is away at work so much.

The weather is fantastic. I know it's hot. 112 is the forecasted high for today. But I love it. I love all the sunshine. I love the mourning doves cooing outside my window. I love the silence of the desert. I love that it is cool in the shade. I love the rocky mountains. I love the cactus and rock. It really feels like home to me here and that brings me great comfort. And for the record-- I would rather have a miserable summer than a miserable winter.

We found a wonderful house with a wonderful landlady. We asked if she could put insulation in the attic because there was none. That is a big request! At least $1000. And she totally hired someone to do it. She landscaped the front yard for us too. It's beautiful. The church is right across the street and Mark is within easy biking distance of work. It's really a great house.

I finally settled on gym (YMCA) and joined. I am going to start training for a sprint triathlon this October. I am finding fun activities online to do with the boys both at home and around town. The public library is amazing and only .7 miles from our house. We walk at least once a week. I really love it here already. We could definitely see ourselves living here in the future if there are any jobs available.

Austin is growing up so quickly. He talks so much these days. He is such a doting and loving older brother to Sean. He is constantly sharing toys and bouncing him and asking to hold him. Sean doesn't always love these things... but I love that Austin does it for him.

Sean is also growing up. He is so grabby and smily and LOUD! I'm not sure how I managed to get two super screechy kids but I managed it. I just love to cuddle him and love on him. He melts my heart.

So things are going well for us here. I haven't taken many pictures lately. Life just seems to go by too quickly... but hopefully I'll manage more pictures in the future before life completely passes me by.

Brothers

It started like this:

And ended like this: 

Brothers for life.

Saying Goodbye

Whew. Having a new baby is quite an adjustment! I finally feel 100% adjusted to my new life as a mom of two. I have neglected this blog lately because having two is certainly busier than having one! We are also moving back across the country in two and a half weeks and having a yard sale tomorrow. Planning for our future, packing up our belongings, and learning to live with two young children instead of one has sure been time consuming!

Tonight Mark went to bed early and both my boys are sleeping. I am having a few moments of quiet solitude in the quiet comfort of my own home. It feels wonderful.

Since Mark matched in mid-March I have been a mixed bag of emotions. I am so happy and relieved to be moving back to the west. I can't wait to see my family more often. I can't wait to live closer to my mother. I can't wait to get back to the climate I love so well. I am just so excited.

But I am so sad too. I love it here in North Carolina. I more than love it if that is possible. I have been here for four years. Mark and I have spent the majority of our married life here. We brought our children into the world here. I had my first teaching job here. I started my piano studio here. I have made some incredible friends here. I mean, incredible doesn't even touch how awesome my friends are. What will I do without them when I go? I spent all last week super sad and depressed at the thought of leaving my friends. They have truly become my family in some ways.

How do you say goodbye to a place like this? How do you tell all the people who mean so much to you just how much they mean to you? How do you say goodbye to the place where you became the person you wanted to be your whole life? I am more at peace with myself than I have ever been before and I attribute a large part of it to being here in North Carolina.

Oh I love this place. I love my friends. I love my home. I love my ward. I love all the beautiful trees. I love the mountains. I love the Atlantic Ocean. I love the flowers. I love the hospitality of the southern people. I just love it.

North Carolina is truly the best kept secret in the United States. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for giving me this North Carolina experience and all the beautiful places and (more importantly) all the beautiful people in it.

Moments I Treasure (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1 :)

I say it at least 3 or 4 times to Mark and about 15 times to myself every day: I LOVE being a mother. I absolutely love it. It is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Those years of waiting were absolutely worth every minute. I was right to yearn for motherhood as much as I did. It suits me! I love being a stay-at-home mom. I know it's not right for everyone but it is right for me. It is SO right for me. My heart is so full of love, gratitude, and joy I am not sure there is even room for more.

Sure I don't love the moments where Austin pushes the boundaries. I don't love the moments when Sean is inconsolably crying. I don't love changing the poopy diapers of two boys. I don't love the way my postpartum belly looks (lots of flab and very unsightly stretch marks).

But I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything. Below are some of the moments I absolutely treasure with my boys and I would pay any price for having them:

Cuddle Time- Both boys will cuddle with me at the same time, usually right after a nursing session. Can you say maternal bliss?!

Feeding Time (especially breakfast)-I love nursing Sean. I treasure the time we spend, just the two of us, bonding together. It melts my heart. What a sweet boy. I love feeding Austin breakfast on the couch while we watch the morning news.

Bath Time-Austin LOVES baths. Whenever I mention it he says "a baff? a BAFF?!" and is just ready to run upstairs and lay down so I can undress him. It's adorable.

Reading Time-Austin often says "read to you?" meaning he wants one of us to read to him. It is so cute.

Movie Time-We allow the boys (mostly Austin...) to watch one movie or part thereof each afternoon after nap time. Austin's current favorite is "Pwanes!" He always asks first thing in the morning too just to see if we'll let him. The answer is always "Nope. We don't watch until after your nap." And he just goes about his business and doesn't usually ask again until after his nap. It never hurts to ask, right :)

Sleeping Time (especially Sean in his bed and Austin in his bed at night)- Every night, almost without exception, since he began sleeping in his own crib I have gone into Austin's room to look over him as he sleeps. It is one of the most tender parts of my day and a great way to end it. Now I do it with Sean too. I just love, LOVE my boys.

Coloring Time- Austin loves coloring. "Colors" and "Cars" sound an awful lot alike right now so sometimes I can't tell when he wants his cars or his colors!

Holding hands on the stairs-Whether we're going up or down Austin always wants a hand to hold on the stairs. I'll be sad when he feels independent and big enough to do it by himself. But it will be a happy thing too. I want him to be strong and independent.

When Austin says "Hi!- Austin ALWAYS says hi. To everyone. All. The. Time. It's darling. He often says it when he's about to get into trouble too.

When Sean smiles. Enough said.

When Austin wants to hold Sean. He will put out his arms and say "Hoht? Hoht?" Meaning he wants to hold his brother. It's adorable.

When Austin says "a-GAIN!" excitedly. If we're reading a book and he likes it a lot he'll say that with the biggest grin on his face until you read it again. How can you not when he looks at you that way?

When Austin makes car noises on the couch with his toy cars. This happens all day. Every day. But I love it. I wonder what is going on in his imagination?

Austin ceremoniously dumping out his cars every morning when he first comes down the stairs. It happens every day. I love it. It just makes me smile.

Daddy time. I LOVE the way Mark is with our sons. Every single time, without fail, when he holds Sean he just says "Aww! He is SO sweet!" He also has a magic touch and can just get Sean to sleep like that! It's amazing. Mark is amazing with Austin too. They are best friends. Every morning after Mark leaves Austin says "Dada?" meaning "Where is dad?" Now he has just started to say "Where Dada?" And when Mark gets home it's like a party every day for Austin! They go on a walk every day together, just the two of them. Mark plays cars with him, reads with him, rough houses with him. It is so awesome. They really are best little friends. It melts my heart.

Being a mother is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I just love it. All of it. Because I have to take the good with the bad. So I just choose to love it all. And in those hard moments I think back to these moments that I treasure and then the hard moments just don't seem so hard.

P.S. While I was getting my hair cut today Sean was screaming in his car carrier. Austin went over to him because I was unable to and started to gently rock the carrier and say "sh, sh, sh!" It was so tender and sweet. He was trying to help his brother. How in the world did I get so lucky?