When people you love die, your life moves on. It seems to stop for a little while and it feels strange. It feels strange because you feel as though time has stopped for you, but the world keeps on turning and people go on with their lives even though you have just experienced a terrible tragedy. You want to say "Hey! World! Why the heck are you still going on? Can't you see that my world has just stopped/shattered/ended?"
But it doesn't pause. And it doesn't wait for you. Because it knows that eventually you'll start to move along with it again. But it takes a while for you to move at the same pace as before because now you have all this heavy baggage you are carrying with you called sorrow. Even though there is a hole in your heart, you are not lighter for it, but heavier.
You might say something like "Well this is where you give your burden to the Savior." or "Time heals all wounds." But that has not been my experience.
Jesus said "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
He doesn't say you won't have a yoke. He doesn't say he will take all your sadness and sorrow and pain and make it go away. He asks you to take his yoke upon you. He asks you to share your burden with him. Because in sharing your burden with Jesus-- in learning who he really is and what his true purpose in life-- you don't get rid of your yoke, you learn to bear it. You are strengthened under it. The burden of sorrow doesn't change, but you do. Your faith and hope in the promise of a new and better world through Jesus Christ strengthens you. The grace of the atonement strengthens you. And you move forward again still laden, but strong enough to bear it.
At least that has been my experience.
But sometimes you look at your burden. And you remember what it is that placed it there. (In my case the death of my dad and my sister.) And you feel sad for a little while. The sadness just wells up inside you like a great wave and crashes down on your shore. And you cry some. And then you look at Jesus Christ. And he reminds you of the bigger picture. The eternal picture. And you wipe away your tears and shoulder up with your newfound strength and move onward.
I'm just missing my dad and my sister today.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
Austin's 9 Month Update
My baby is 9 months old. He has officially been outside of the womb longer than he was in it. So weird. I couldn't be happier. There was definitely an adjustment period but I can safely say that I would much rather have him out than in. He is the light of my life. He brings me such peace, joy, excitement, and fun. He teaches me patience. He helps bring me back to the most important things in life: the basics. I love that kid more than he will ever know.
Measurements:
Head: 95%
Height: 33%
Weight: 33%
He still has a huge head and is dropping on the charts a little bit for growth... but at least his head is still growing :)
Here are some things about him at 9 months.
Austin has two big announcements.
One is that he can army crawl. He is FAST too! Before I know it that sweet boy is at the other end of a room with a cord wrapped around his neck or a piece of paper in his mouth.
His other big announcement is that he has teeth! My baby has teeth!! I can't believe it. I gave him a cucumber to gum the other day and he broke a piece off into his mouth. Mark reached in to fish it out and said "Oh my gosh, sweetheart! He has teeth. I felt them!" Then we both looked in and there they were, right on the bottom. Two little teeth just barely poking through his little gums. I always call him toothless. That nickname has gone the way of all the earth. He has teeth!!
One of the cutest things he has developed in the month is that he clicks his tongue. He will just be sitting in his car seat or playing with his toys and he will click his tongue. It is really cute.
Austin loves bath time as muh as ever. If he could live in the bathtub I think he might just do it. He is very adept at rolling around and splashing.
Austin can say "dadadadadada" and "lalalalala" and "babababababa" but I am pretty sure they don't mean anything yet. I am trying to get him to say "mamamamama" but we are not there yet :)
Austin loves to bang things. He loves to bang his hands on the table/floor/high chair/anything... He loves to bang his toys on the table/floor/high chair/anything. He loves to bang his toys together. It is really cute.
Austin can go from sitting to crawling but not from crawling to sitting. He is still working that one out.
Austin is a master at self feeding when it comes to cookies, crackers, pretzles, etc... We are still a little nervous about giving him anything that can't dissolve in his mouth. He's probably ready, we're just not!
Currently his favorite toys are two chunky puzzles (he loves to take the pieces off and bang them, especially the zebra piece on the safari puzzle), a cube like learning toy he got from Grandma, a frog rattle, and a string of silvery metallic plastic beads he got from his cousin Jessica.
He sleeps 12 hours, eats, sleeps 2 more hours and then takes two 90 minute naps during the day. That boy knows the value of good sleep :)
Austin is our pride and joy. We just can't get enough of that little sweetheart.
Measurements:
Head: 95%
Height: 33%
Weight: 33%
He still has a huge head and is dropping on the charts a little bit for growth... but at least his head is still growing :)
Here are some things about him at 9 months.
Austin has two big announcements.
One is that he can army crawl. He is FAST too! Before I know it that sweet boy is at the other end of a room with a cord wrapped around his neck or a piece of paper in his mouth.
His other big announcement is that he has teeth! My baby has teeth!! I can't believe it. I gave him a cucumber to gum the other day and he broke a piece off into his mouth. Mark reached in to fish it out and said "Oh my gosh, sweetheart! He has teeth. I felt them!" Then we both looked in and there they were, right on the bottom. Two little teeth just barely poking through his little gums. I always call him toothless. That nickname has gone the way of all the earth. He has teeth!!
One of the cutest things he has developed in the month is that he clicks his tongue. He will just be sitting in his car seat or playing with his toys and he will click his tongue. It is really cute.
Austin loves bath time as muh as ever. If he could live in the bathtub I think he might just do it. He is very adept at rolling around and splashing.
Austin can say "dadadadadada" and "lalalalala" and "babababababa" but I am pretty sure they don't mean anything yet. I am trying to get him to say "mamamamama" but we are not there yet :)
Austin loves to bang things. He loves to bang his hands on the table/floor/high chair/anything... He loves to bang his toys on the table/floor/high chair/anything. He loves to bang his toys together. It is really cute.
Austin can go from sitting to crawling but not from crawling to sitting. He is still working that one out.
Austin is a master at self feeding when it comes to cookies, crackers, pretzles, etc... We are still a little nervous about giving him anything that can't dissolve in his mouth. He's probably ready, we're just not!
Currently his favorite toys are two chunky puzzles (he loves to take the pieces off and bang them, especially the zebra piece on the safari puzzle), a cube like learning toy he got from Grandma, a frog rattle, and a string of silvery metallic plastic beads he got from his cousin Jessica.
He sleeps 12 hours, eats, sleeps 2 more hours and then takes two 90 minute naps during the day. That boy knows the value of good sleep :)
Thursday, January 17, 2013
My Position on the New Gun Control Props
Go right ahead, Mr. President. There. I said it. I REALLY want to say that on facebook but I know it will blow up in my face. Here I can easily control who says what to me and if I don't like it then I don't have to post it.
EVERYONE is up in arms on facebook comparing President Obama to Hitler and Stalin. And I just want to say really? REALLY? Obama is not a dictator. He is not an evil man. The last time I checked he was not in the process of (or even on his way to) committing genocide against a group of people he didn't like. Who is really being marginalized here? The entire country? Law abiding gun owners? Because his laws are not going to affect them much at all.
Have you actually read or listened to his proposals on gun control? 99% of them are about enforcing stricter background checks; ensuring that people on medicaid or on the up and coming Obamacare know about their mental health benefits; beginning research on gun violence; and working on training police officers, schools, churches, and other public places on appropriate ways to respond to incidents like the Sandy Hook shooting. How is that bad?
Here is the website. The only guns he is looking to officially ban are assault weapons. Do we really need to own those anyway?! He also wants to reduce the largest purchasable magazine to 10 rounds. And those two will have to pass through congress.
I know people are scared. And I am sorry you are feeling that way. My husband is (almost ;) a doctor and I am scared of the way Obamacare is going to actually work out. In my mind I feel like all doctors everywhere are going to get the shaft. I despise the plan. And I didn't vote for President Obama.
That being said, I really don't feel like my second amendment rights are being infringed upon either. If I want to get a gun I can! Because I am a mentally stable, law abiding citizen. Mr. President simply wants to make it more difficult for crazy people to get guns.
Here is his proposal in full. Please read it. And please stop comparing him to Hitler. It is sickening, disrespectful, and untrue. It is slanderous. Know all the facts before you get up in arms. No pun intended.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/docs/wh_now_is_the_time_full.pdf
EVERYONE is up in arms on facebook comparing President Obama to Hitler and Stalin. And I just want to say really? REALLY? Obama is not a dictator. He is not an evil man. The last time I checked he was not in the process of (or even on his way to) committing genocide against a group of people he didn't like. Who is really being marginalized here? The entire country? Law abiding gun owners? Because his laws are not going to affect them much at all.
Have you actually read or listened to his proposals on gun control? 99% of them are about enforcing stricter background checks; ensuring that people on medicaid or on the up and coming Obamacare know about their mental health benefits; beginning research on gun violence; and working on training police officers, schools, churches, and other public places on appropriate ways to respond to incidents like the Sandy Hook shooting. How is that bad?
Here is the website. The only guns he is looking to officially ban are assault weapons. Do we really need to own those anyway?! He also wants to reduce the largest purchasable magazine to 10 rounds. And those two will have to pass through congress.
I know people are scared. And I am sorry you are feeling that way. My husband is (almost ;) a doctor and I am scared of the way Obamacare is going to actually work out. In my mind I feel like all doctors everywhere are going to get the shaft. I despise the plan. And I didn't vote for President Obama.
That being said, I really don't feel like my second amendment rights are being infringed upon either. If I want to get a gun I can! Because I am a mentally stable, law abiding citizen. Mr. President simply wants to make it more difficult for crazy people to get guns.
Here is his proposal in full. Please read it. And please stop comparing him to Hitler. It is sickening, disrespectful, and untrue. It is slanderous. Know all the facts before you get up in arms. No pun intended.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/docs/wh_now_is_the_time_full.pdf
Friday, January 11, 2013
Health
I have been thinking a lot about health. There are a lot of components to health. There is physical health. Emotional health. Spiritual health. Mental health. All sorts of health. And they all take work to maintain.
I think what has got me thinking about it is the fact that emotionally/mentally I don't feel terribly healthy. But I have a pretty good idea of why that might be. I like to think of it as me having an emotional virus. Something that will eventually go away on its own. I can do things to improve my condition and make myself feel more comfortable but ultimately I just have to wait it out. Are you dying to know what it is? If you have kids you probably already guessed it. No... I am not pregnant. But I DID just stop nursing Austin. We both just decided we were done. And I think my hormones are going crazy. I have insomnia like you wouldn't believe. I just can't fall asleep. I laid in bed for over 3 hours last night before I gave in a took a sleep aid. I have never had insomnia before. And I cry over the littlest things! I was watching the biggest loser and I was in tears for the whole episode! What is up with that?! And I feel a lot like I did right after Austin was born-- anxious, depressed, angry all the time. I don't like feeling that way. So I am attributing to the stopping of the breastfeeding. I had a few of my mom friends tell me, "Amanda, when you stop breastfeeding, be prepared for another emotional roller coaster!" And boy were they right. But at least I have the comfort of knowing it will all go away sometime in the next month or two.
Physically I am finally ready to make a change. And I am excited about it! I wasn't pushing myself to loose weight or diet earlier than this because I knew that the time would come when I would be mentally ready to help out my body. The time has come. I have been on a diet/lifestyle change for a week now and I feel awesome. I feel like a champ. I actually feel better than when I was eating too much or eating for comfort. Funny how that is. And I am ready to get back to the gym... as soon as my poor baby is no longer sick.
I think I caught a spiritual health bug while I was on vacation too. There is some part of me that thinks when I am on vacation I should take a break from everything in my daily life at home. Unfortunately that includes scripture study and prayer. So I went almost my whole vacation without reading one verse from the Word of God. I said a prayer here and there, but nothing regular. So of course I came back not feeling my best. It is shameful of me that I do that. I don't mean too. It just sort of happens. My entire routine is disrupted and that is part of my routine. God is forgiving but I need to make a better effort.
Anyway, mostly I wrote that post to get out some of my feelings. I am in pretty good health overall and I look forward to increasing my health in every way :)
I think what has got me thinking about it is the fact that emotionally/mentally I don't feel terribly healthy. But I have a pretty good idea of why that might be. I like to think of it as me having an emotional virus. Something that will eventually go away on its own. I can do things to improve my condition and make myself feel more comfortable but ultimately I just have to wait it out. Are you dying to know what it is? If you have kids you probably already guessed it. No... I am not pregnant. But I DID just stop nursing Austin. We both just decided we were done. And I think my hormones are going crazy. I have insomnia like you wouldn't believe. I just can't fall asleep. I laid in bed for over 3 hours last night before I gave in a took a sleep aid. I have never had insomnia before. And I cry over the littlest things! I was watching the biggest loser and I was in tears for the whole episode! What is up with that?! And I feel a lot like I did right after Austin was born-- anxious, depressed, angry all the time. I don't like feeling that way. So I am attributing to the stopping of the breastfeeding. I had a few of my mom friends tell me, "Amanda, when you stop breastfeeding, be prepared for another emotional roller coaster!" And boy were they right. But at least I have the comfort of knowing it will all go away sometime in the next month or two.
Physically I am finally ready to make a change. And I am excited about it! I wasn't pushing myself to loose weight or diet earlier than this because I knew that the time would come when I would be mentally ready to help out my body. The time has come. I have been on a diet/lifestyle change for a week now and I feel awesome. I feel like a champ. I actually feel better than when I was eating too much or eating for comfort. Funny how that is. And I am ready to get back to the gym... as soon as my poor baby is no longer sick.
I think I caught a spiritual health bug while I was on vacation too. There is some part of me that thinks when I am on vacation I should take a break from everything in my daily life at home. Unfortunately that includes scripture study and prayer. So I went almost my whole vacation without reading one verse from the Word of God. I said a prayer here and there, but nothing regular. So of course I came back not feeling my best. It is shameful of me that I do that. I don't mean too. It just sort of happens. My entire routine is disrupted and that is part of my routine. God is forgiving but I need to make a better effort.
Anyway, mostly I wrote that post to get out some of my feelings. I am in pretty good health overall and I look forward to increasing my health in every way :)
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