When people you love die, your life moves on. It seems to stop for a little while and it feels strange. It feels strange because you feel as though time has stopped for you, but the world keeps on turning and people go on with their lives even though you have just experienced a terrible tragedy. You want to say "Hey! World! Why the heck are you still going on? Can't you see that my world has just stopped/shattered/ended?"
But it doesn't pause. And it doesn't wait for you. Because it knows that eventually you'll start to move along with it again. But it takes a while for you to move at the same pace as before because now you have all this heavy baggage you are carrying with you called sorrow. Even though there is a hole in your heart, you are not lighter for it, but heavier.
You might say something like "Well this is where you give your burden to the Savior." or "Time heals all wounds." But that has not been my experience.
Jesus said "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
He doesn't say you won't have a yoke. He doesn't say he will take all your sadness and sorrow and pain and make it go away. He asks you to take his yoke upon you. He asks you to share your burden with him. Because in sharing your burden with Jesus-- in learning who he really is and what his true purpose in life-- you don't get rid of your yoke, you learn to bear it. You are strengthened under it. The burden of sorrow doesn't change, but you do. Your faith and hope in the promise of a new and better world through Jesus Christ strengthens you. The grace of the atonement strengthens you. And you move forward again still laden, but strong enough to bear it.
At least that has been my experience.
But sometimes you look at your burden. And you remember what it is that placed it there. (In my case the death of my dad and my sister.) And you feel sad for a little while. The sadness just wells up inside you like a great wave and crashes down on your shore. And you cry some. And then you look at Jesus Christ. And he reminds you of the bigger picture. The eternal picture. And you wipe away your tears and shoulder up with your newfound strength and move onward.
I'm just missing my dad and my sister today.
2 comments:
Beautiful. True.
Lately I've been thinking about how my heart has been deepened by the crater that was blown into it by Benjamin's death followed by the agonizingly gradual healing. I think that that crater (which will be there until I am holding my sweet baby boy again) makes a bigger space for the joy that will be there someday. Right now, it is a space for anticipated joy--which doesn't hurt as much as it used to. I don't know why. But in a very odd way that I would never have understood without experiencing it, I am grateful for the deeper capacity there now.
I am really glad to know that grief is not a sign of weak faith but rather strong love.
This was beautiful. I love how you can express yourself. I have no idea how I would handle the loss of a sibling and a parent. You are a wonderful example of strength to me. I know Christ is with you through this and is obviously a better friend then I am. I just want you to know I love you =) And so many others do as well.
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