Spring Break

I am officially on Spring Break! Hooray! I am so happy to have this little vacation. The best part is that after today, Mark will ALSO be on spring break! Last year our breaks were three weeks apart. This year they are at the same time. Hooray again!

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday to check Austin's size and growth. Since I have gestational diabetes they wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure he isn't enormous. I have only gained 7 pounds since I got pregnant so I was thinking he probably wouldn't be enormous. And he's not. They estimate that he is around 6 pounds and 4 ounces right now. Since I am due in 2 weeks that seems like a good size to me. According to their charts he is in the 21st percentile.

Dr. V said "Well he looks great. That is a good size. I am surprised though. His head is pretty big!"

I said "Runs in the family..."

He laughed.

But it does! My niece and nephew had such large heads as babies they never actually crawled because they couldn't get their heads off the ground. So they just rolled around, scooted, and then walked. I have a big head (literally, and maybe figuratively too...) Mark has a big head (hats never fit us). My brother and sister have big heads. Like I said, runs in the family.

Mark and I decided his head is so big because he is going to have lots of brains and be really smart. Just like us. Just kidding :)

Also, Mark is taking Step One of the USMLE today. He is there now, probably waiting in line to take his test. He looked so handsome on his way out the door. He wore slacks, a blue button up shirt (my favorite!), and a nice tie. He looked awesome. He is going to rock that test. He has been working so hard. Of course he is nervous and needs lots of prayers from anyone who happens to read this today, but I believe with all my heart he will be fine. He will do his best and that is all anyone can ask. I'm so proud of him!

Irrational Fears?

Pregnancy has come on so gradually I have this irrational fear that some of the symptoms I am experiencing will last forever.

My feet and ankles are so swollen it looks like I shouldn't even be able to walk. I just looked at them tonight while they were propped up as I watched a movie with Mark and I was stunned. Where are my ankles? When did I get dimples in my feet? It will go away right?

My back hurts. All the time. Standing. Sitting. Laying down. My hips hurt too. None of it is excruciating, but I do have this fear that it will hurt now for the rest of my life. It is just pregnancy right? The pain should go away when he is born?

Diabetes. I am scared I will have it forever. Because I have it now during pregnancy I am at a much higher risk of developing it later. But I am truly afraid that I will test positive for Type 2 diabetes even after my pregnancy. I am afraid I will have to prick my fingers for the rest of my life.

Mostly those are the things I am afraid will never go away. Those are irrational fears, right? They came on with the pregnancy so they should disappear with it too I hope. AND I'll have a beautiful son as well.  Totally worth it. I am definitely not horribly uncomfortable, just a little scared. This isn't a rant about pregnancy symptoms. This pregnancy has been awesome. I have treasured every moment just about.

However, these little things should go away. Right? I sure hope so...

It's Real

Nesting I mean. I thought work would keep me too busy and too tired to feel it but it hasn't.

Before I became pregnant I had no idea what it really meant or felt like. And I think it feels different for different women, but I am 100% certain it is happening to me.

I just have this strange urge to get everything ready to go. I want his nursery to be perfect. I want my house to be clean at all times in case I go into labor early. I want to have everything I could possibly need for his arrival (baby monitor, clothing, diapers, wipes, medicines, blankets, etc...) all organized and ready to be used.

Logically I know that I all I need is a crib, some blankets, clothing, and a car seat to get him home. And that's pretty much all. And if it isn't in perfect order I will still have a baby and still bring him home and I can get it all together after he arrives.

But I just have this REALLY strong urge to have it perfect beforehand. I am pretty sure it is nesting.

For example:

Today I had just finished the grueling task of completing Mark's laundry and mine. Besides that I also wanted to sweep and mop all the floors. But instead of doing that I just felt compelled to go into Austin's room and start organizing all of this clothing. It has been laying (lying?) out in piles in his room for about three weeks because I just haven't known what to do with it. So I went to work on it instead of finishing my floors or going grocery shopping. It might sound silly but I just felt the strangest urge to DO something about that room.

Anyway. Nesting is real. And I am so excited for Austin to be born I can hardly stand it. Just about 4 more weeks and he'll be here!

First Tears

Last night was the spring choir concert for my students. Even though school does not end until May 25 I had the concert early this year because I am going out for maternity leave very soon. I have been working my students like crazy trying to get them ready. I have let a lot of other things I normally do with them fall by the wayside: sight reading, composing, musical terms, etc... But you know what? They were ready. And they sounded AWESOME. Well, awesome for a middle school choir concert. I am not conducting the mo-tab or anything. Well, at least I thought it was awesome. The kids had a great time and performed their very best. I was a proud teacher. 

Until last night my students have never given a sufficiently emotional or musical performance to elicit any tears out of me. It takes a lot to make me cry, even pregnant. But during one of their songs last night the 7th grade girls brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't coach them on the words, I could barely conduct in fact. I was so tearful. All I could do was smile at them and show them a little heart with my hands to show them I loved them. They are such beautiful young ladies. I have had most of them for two years now. They sound wonderful and they were putting so much heart into that song. 

Mark and I have decided that barring tragedy I will be putting in my resignation at the end of the year and staying home with Austin. It wasn't an easy decision. And as those girls were singing so beautifully last night and so intently my heart was full and overflowing. These are my students. These are the girls who filled the sad places in my heart when I was going through infertility. These girls have so much talent. These girls have so much promise for the future. And beyond being touched by their beautiful music I was saddened to think that I probably won't be with them for their last year of middle school. And it broke my heart just a little bit. I will miss them. I will miss their funny way of saying things, their little attitudes about boys and life, their smiles, their singing. Just them. I will just miss them. 

I am not a mom quite yet, but I have to say that being a teacher is awesome. And if being a mom is anything like it, then I can't wait. 

Advice

My dear son has so many clothes. I am so, so thankful. My dilemma is this:

How do I sort them?  (I assume by size...)

Within the sizes how do put them away? Do I keep outfits together or separate them? Pants? Shirts? Onesies? Pajamas?

What should I hang?

What should I put into drawers?

How do you sort your kids clothes when you have enough for the first 12 months?

Trigger

Today I missed my dad. A lot. I haven't really missed him like I did today in quite a long time. And do you know what caused it all?

I bought some sandwich meat at Harris Teeter a couple of days ago. I got a pound of turkey and a pound of ham since they were on sale. I normally only go for turkey, but ham sounded good so I got some. I hastily put the groceries away when I got home. I threw one pound in the freezer and one in the fridge, but I didn't pay attention to what I put where. 

This morning when I was making my lunch I grabbed the one in the fridge and it was ham. My dad ate more ham in every form than any person I had (or have) ever met. The shaved honey ham just made me think of him. It made me miss him and wish he were here. 

I wish he were here to take care of my mom and go on fun trips and missions with her.

I wish he were here to give me advice about teaching.

I wish he were here to watch me become a better teacher.

I wish he were here to see my growing belly and talk to me about what it means to be a parent.

I wish he were going to be here to see my son and bless him and hold him in his arms.

I just wish he were here.

But I know where he is and I know I'll see him again someday. I know he comes to see me sometimes and that he watches over all of us from Heaven. And I am sure that he wishes for me to live a good, righteous life so I can be there, in Heaven with him. 

I love my ham. Thank you Harris Teeter for having it on sale.

But more than ham I love my dad :)

Just Plain Tired

I was exhausted after work today. I mean, I was so tired I couldn't even call my mom on the way home from work because I was just too plain tired to carry on a conversation. I wasn't dangerous on the road but the person I followed almost the whole way home was going 5 under and that was totally okay with me. I didn't even want to keep track of my speed I was so tired. I don't know if this happens to anyone else but when I am super tired like that my body just feels like a dead weight. My arms feel heavy, my head feels heavy, my legs feel heavy. I just don't want to move. It was a long drive home today. And then I got home and slept for over an hour and probably could have slept for another hour but I needed to get up and make dinner. I am feeling more refreshed after my little nap, but going to bed early (even after a long nap) is not going to be a problem tonight.

And you know what? I got 10 hours of sleep on Tuesday night and almost 8 hours last night. And it has been quality sleep! My squished little bladder hasn't even woken me up these last nights because I am just so tired! I attribute it to the pregnancy. Since I am in great health, getting plenty of sleep, and eating really well (gestational diabetes) I must be tired from growing this sweet baby. It is amazing how much energy one little person can take.

I probably have no idea... a little voice in my head is saying "Just wait until he's born..."

But you know what? Bring it on. I love him so much already I would go to the moon and back for him!