First Tears

Last night was the spring choir concert for my students. Even though school does not end until May 25 I had the concert early this year because I am going out for maternity leave very soon. I have been working my students like crazy trying to get them ready. I have let a lot of other things I normally do with them fall by the wayside: sight reading, composing, musical terms, etc... But you know what? They were ready. And they sounded AWESOME. Well, awesome for a middle school choir concert. I am not conducting the mo-tab or anything. Well, at least I thought it was awesome. The kids had a great time and performed their very best. I was a proud teacher. 

Until last night my students have never given a sufficiently emotional or musical performance to elicit any tears out of me. It takes a lot to make me cry, even pregnant. But during one of their songs last night the 7th grade girls brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't coach them on the words, I could barely conduct in fact. I was so tearful. All I could do was smile at them and show them a little heart with my hands to show them I loved them. They are such beautiful young ladies. I have had most of them for two years now. They sound wonderful and they were putting so much heart into that song. 

Mark and I have decided that barring tragedy I will be putting in my resignation at the end of the year and staying home with Austin. It wasn't an easy decision. And as those girls were singing so beautifully last night and so intently my heart was full and overflowing. These are my students. These are the girls who filled the sad places in my heart when I was going through infertility. These girls have so much talent. These girls have so much promise for the future. And beyond being touched by their beautiful music I was saddened to think that I probably won't be with them for their last year of middle school. And it broke my heart just a little bit. I will miss them. I will miss their funny way of saying things, their little attitudes about boys and life, their smiles, their singing. Just them. I will just miss them. 

I am not a mom quite yet, but I have to say that being a teacher is awesome. And if being a mom is anything like it, then I can't wait.