Bad Teacher Day

Today wasn't the greatest day. In order to keep functioning I need to not focus on what went wrong but try to focus on what went right:

• All my classes went to their seats quickly. We did this activity yesterday where they raced against their own times to get in their seats quickly and today I reminded them of it before the came in. It worked like a charm.
• My second sixth grade elective (while very small) is holding their own and had a good time singing the high notes "like Mariah Carey" today
• My seventh grade boys enjoyed their voice testing and were rocking out to one of the songs we will be singing in their class
• My first eighth grade elective is just awesome. The boys sound GOOD. I can't believe it. I am so proud of them. 
• My students were able to understand the markings in their scores today and even wrote some of their own in. 

Things that went wrong:

• I cannot, for the life of me, engage my last eighth grade class. I don't know what their (or my) problem is. I feel like the worst teacher in the world.
• My seventh grade girls class shrunk by 10 and even though they are still singing loudly, they are not quite as good. I lost a ton of students this semester due to scheduling conflicts. It is actually really depressing. 
• I don't feel like I picked out very good music for my classes. Or is it just my perception of them and the music? Is it always like this while they are still learning a song? Do they even have to like all the music or is it good for them to branch out?
• My students seem bored when I am trying to teach them the music. Am I a boring teacher? 
• I have a student (who I loved last year) who has no respect for me. She thinks I am a)an idiot b)ridiculous c) she is smarter than me. I remember thinking that about some of my teachers. Shame on me. I guess I am getting it back now. Karma. I swear I wasn't as disrespectful as she is though. She is in 8th grade. I know it is part of the age. But she has had a real attitude problem this year and nothing I can do or say will work it out with her. I couldn't have imagined myself saying this about her last year, but I am thankful she will be out of middle school next year. 

*sigh* Being pregnant and teaching is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I am so emotional. It is really hard not to overreact to certain situations. I think I do okay for the most part. In fact, I never yell or loose my temper. But inside I feel terrible. I just can't seem to see things clearly. It is probably because I am so focused on other things. I need to let that be okay. 

There are lots of things I need to let be okay. I need to let it be okay that my program is smaller this semester than last semester. I need to let it be okay that there are just some students who I will not ever reach. I need to let it be okay that I am not the best. I need to let it be okay that I am still learning my trade. I need to let it be okay. I just do. I am going to pray that I can let it be okay. Because I can't let it be okay by myself these days. I am just too emotional.