No Sleeping

Why can't I go to sleep when Mark is not here?!?! It drives me crazy. This entire school year I have been going to bed by 10:30 at the latest. Usually I fall asleep around 9:15 and sometimes as early as 7:30.

Sleeping in means waking up fully rested and feeling awesome at 7:00 on a Saturday morning. For some of my young mom friends I know that is a luxury. But to the rest of the world, that is still pretty darn early. It feels late to me though since I get up at 5:30 every morning.

That has been my schedule all year. It feels nice to be about as regular as a clock (a working clock. not like the one on my mantle).

But when Mark is gone I do NOT want to go to bed. I just do not want to sleep without him. I think it is because sleep is like a reset button for me. If I have had a hard moment I need a nap. If I have had a hard day I need to get a full 8 hours. When I wake up it is all over and I can move on and have a changed mind.

But I HATE not having Mark with me. And the little woman inside my head who speaks to me says "There is no point in going to sleep because this time when you wake up, nothing will be better. He will still not be here."

*sigh*

That said, I need to try and get some shut eye or else my kiddos are going to drive me crazy tomorrow and those days are bad for everyone involved. Especially my students.