the year is over. Wow. I am done. I am completely finished with teaching in my first year as a choir teacher at Reidsville Middle School. I have four more teacher workdays, but those don't really count since I will not be teaching, just hanging out and organizing and watching movies and listening to music.
I can't believe it. I can't believe it is over. It was kind of anti-climatic because the last two weeks of school the schedule was crazy with all the state mandated testing. I hardly saw my students these last few weeks. I wish I could have said a better goodbye. I wish I could have sent them off with all my love. And I tried. But it felt strange because there was a part of me that was in disbelief that the year is over. Next year I think I will read them a story or a poem to express my words. Next year I think I want to write each student a little note.
Right now I am in denial I think that the year is over, but I can feel the excitement building. 7 weeks off!!! Yay!!!
I will miss my kids. I really will. I LOVED THEM! There were hard days where I cried myself out in my classroom. There were moments I got so angry with students I was literally shaking with rage. But this year has been wonderful. My students were not the best performers in the county, state, or country. We made lots of mistakes together. But I loved them. And I think they knew it. And I am glad they knew it. They loved me too. I know next year is going to be even better than this year. Performance ability is important. But what is more important is love. I learned that this year. I was disappointed in myself for not helping them to be better performers than they became. But they are only in middle school and I am only a first year teacher. And we had fun together and we learned things together and we loved each other. Love is what got me through the year. It wasn't as musical as I wanted it to be. It wasn't as perfect as I wanted it to be. But I loved my students as much as I wanted to love them. And they are wonderful people and they are going to be wonderful adults and I am so happy for them. I just want them to take the bull by the horns and show the world what they are made of.
There is no awesome way to end this. I am sad. I am happy. I am excited. I am nervous (for next year). I can't wait to see my students grow up and become something wonderful. Being a teacher is the best. It is hard. There are lots of tears and sweat (seriously, I started using the prescription strength stuff this year because I got so nervous I sweated like CRAZY!) but thankfully no blood (that will be Mark's job!).
I am relieved. I am peaceful. I am excited. I love my job. I love my students. I love my life.
Welcome summer!!!!! YAY!!!!
2 comments:
You did it!! Congrats, Amanda! I'll bet you were more amazing than you will ever realize. (And I'm glad there was no blood--I loved that comment about it being Mark's job...) You're awesome.
Yay! That first year hump is so epic. Both years I've taught I was sure I'd never survive the last two weeks and that I'd be happy to kick some students out the door and never see them again, but both years I've also realized (hopefully not too late) that teaching is exactly what I love and want to do forever (for now) and that it's a wonderful place to be. It sounds like you felt that too. I'm glad! I'm also glad that you have your job next year! I know you were worried about that. Congratulations.
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