I love going to the website feministmormonhousewives.org. I go probably once a month or so when I find that my house is clean, my baby is asleep, and my husband is otherwise occupied. I go there because it always makes me think. It forces me to mentally defend my points of view. I read it and think of what I would say in response. I do not ever feel eloquent enough to actually leave a comment but I do start thinking, which is always good. And I nearly always come to the same conclusion: I am not a feminist. Plain and simple. At least not in the way that many of the commenters and posters are.
I am often led to other articles and blogs written by people identifying themselves as feminist, post-mormon, or both.
Today my issue is this:
I read one blog where a woman blamed all her weakness and unhappiness in life on Mormonism and its doctrines of inequality, blind obedience, and unfairness.
I read another blog where a man commended his mother and sisters for being such strong women and commended the church for encouraging them to be ambitious, educated, and articulate and for helping them develop leadership skills. In a response to this article one person said "His mother was empowered by something other than the church. That was her personality and the personality and privileges she was able to give to her daughters. The church did not do ANY of that."
In my opinion personality probably played into both of those experiences but the church did too.
One commenter said this: "It seems strange to blame the church's bad issues in regards to women for the weakness of its women without also acknowledging that the church's strengths in regards to women result in some positive."
I couldn't agree more. It is not fair to allow some people to blame all their personal issues on the church and agree with them and say "Oh yes. That terrible institution. Look what it has done to you," while at the same time dismissing someone for crediting the church with helping them to be successful by saying "Oh no. It couldn't have been the church. It was all just you being special. Don't credit that institution for inspiring you."
In both cases I am sure the church had something to do with it. The church can have both an incredibly positive influence on one person's life and a negative influence on another person's life. It is about perspective and through which lens you choose to look at your life. Looking through one lens I believe the church could be very mentally and emotionally damaging. Looking through another lens I believe the church could be very inspiring and emotionally uplifting. It depends on what you choose to see.
However-- don't judge someone for looking at the church through a different lens than you, regardless of which lens it is. Don't dismiss their judgements and opinions because they differ from yours. Ostracizing and judging someone as wicked who walks away from the church won't help them come back. Belittling someone who believes and calling them foolish and blind won't turn them away from the church. All those things do is harm friendships and damage love. There is a wonderful primary song that goes something like this:
Jesus said love everyone. Treat them kindly too. When your heart is filled with love, others will love you.
Maybe my "live and let live" attitude is a product of my generation. Tolerance seems to be the buzz word of my generation. Maybe it is just part of who I am. But I believe in life you have to be as fair as you can. I am sorry to the person who feels the church has done harm. I sincerely hope you find happiness in your new path. I am happy for the person who feels the church has been a strength the them. May you continue to find peace and happiness on your current path.
I believe Mormonism has been good for me and I choose to continue down that path. I love the church. I do. And though I harbor my doubts about many things (especially in regards to early church history) the best thing Mormonism has done for me is to help me discover, develop, and cultivate my relationship with a loving Heavenly Father and his perfect son, Jesus Christ. Period. It has also given me many good principles on which to build my life. It has given me hope when I have been in despair. It has been a light in my darkest hour. And for that I will forever be thankful to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
4 comments:
It's too bad that we never got together for dinner or something because I think we could have had some fabulous chats. Brad focused quite a bit on Mormon studies when he went to Claremont School of Theology for his Master's of Divinity. In those courses they really turn early church history inside out and I believe REALLY examining those skeletons brings a new perspective and also understanding to the foundations of the church as opposed to "just hearing about it" outside of academia which tends to be less rounded. We even went to Sunstone once which I thought was incredibly enlightening and changed me as a Mormon for the better. As for FMH, I have to tell you I cannot stand reading their stuff (although I do sometimes for kicks when a friend recommends an article) because I find it narrow-minded (ironically). It seems to be a repetition of disgruntled complaints and I also feel like they've turned the word "feminist" into something it shouldn't be. Feminist means (in my mind) celebrating all that it means to be women. What I think feminists today do is try to make women more like men which dilutes my identity as a woman. I do agree with you about how we should approach such things as feminist mormons. I always like to say "All struggles are valid," because no matter what it is, your struggles are your own and if we want to help people overcome their struggles, we must always do it with love, NEVER contention.
It's too bad that we never got together for dinner or something because I think we could have had some fabulous chats. Brad focused quite a bit on Mormon studies when he went to Claremont School of Theology for his Master's of Divinity. In those courses they really turn early church history inside out and I believe REALLY examining those skeletons brings a new perspective and also understanding to the foundations of the church as opposed to "just hearing about it" outside of academia which tends to be less rounded. We even went to Sunstone once which I thought was incredibly enlightening and changed me as a Mormon for the better. As for FMH, I have to tell you I cannot stand reading their stuff (although I do sometimes for kicks when a friend recommends an article) because I find it narrow-minded (ironically). It seems to be a repetition of disgruntled complaints and I also feel like they've turned the word "feminist" into something it shouldn't be. Feminist means (in my mind) celebrating all that it means to be women. What I think feminists today do is try to make women more like men which dilutes my identity as a woman. I do agree with you about how we should approach such things as feminist mormons. I always like to say "All struggles are valid," because no matter what it is, your struggles are your own and if we want to help people overcome their struggles, we must always do it with love, NEVER contention.
It's too bad that we didn't hang out more because I think we could have had some fabulous chats. Brad (and vicariously me) went to Claremont School of Theology where he took most of his elective courses in Mormon Studies. Also, CGU (Claremont Graduate University) which is a sister school to CST also hosts the annual Mormon Studies Conference which we were able to attend a couple times. We also went to Sunstone West once in Salt Lake. All of these things really opened my eyes to church history. Actually, church history was turned inside out and the dirty undergarments hung outside to dry if you know what I'm saying. I think studying these things in their entirety, even when they make us uncomfortable, are important because once we've done it, we have answers to the hard questions not only for ourselves, but also for investigators which seem to ask the hard questions ALOT! Our testimony is more tried, more rounded, more grounded in the right things (Christ, namely).
As for FMH, I have to tell you I detest reading their stuff because I as someone who has always considered herself a bit of an unorthodox mormon, I feel rather misrepresented by that outfit. I consider myself a feminist in that I deeply value gender differences and my identity as a woman, but instead, FMH seems to be trying to redefine what in means to be feminist. Now feminism is about making ourselves exactly like men and that rankles me because it dilutes womanhood and all that comes with it.
That said, I have a saying, "All struggles are valid." I agree with you, it doesn't matter if I vehemently disagree with so many of the authors on FMH, I recognize and empathize with their struggle. We will never help ourselves or help others overcome struggles unless we learn this principle and recognize how all struggles are valid.
And as a final note, have you ever heard of Joanna Brooks? She has a website www.askmormongirl.com which I have found is an insightful forum for Mormon issues. And the author, Joanna, just has a way of putting things which puts these struggles into proper perspective and allows us to empathize more fully. I like this site much more than FMH for the best food for thought. Keep thinking! Enjoy!
Yes, keep thinking, but focus on what strengthens your faith. I have had several very close friends leave the Church and it always seems to start with this intellectual, my-thoughts-are-clearer-than-the-Prophet's sort of attitude. Life is way too short to waste time on words that add to the mists rather than stick our hands tighter to the rod.
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