I couldn't believe she would think of me as self righteous and bigoted for simply expressing my opinion. Why is it okay for her to say what she thinks in such a hateful way but not for me? Isn't that a double standard? Her new profile picture says "Intolerance will not be Tolerated." Isn't that an oxymoron?
I wrote her a personal message expressing my love for her and apologizing for offending her. But I didn't apologize for my opinion. I do not need to apologize for my personal thoughts.
I had another friend post the following on facebook a few days ago:
If I don't agree with you--it doesn't mean I hate you or am a bigot--I just do not agree---I can still love you.
That is truly how I feel as well.
Last night as I lay in bed mentally writhing (writhing, not seething. I felt badly that I had upset her) over the hateful comments I had read I had a great thought come to me:
I am more than my opinion on gay marriage and so is she-- meaning that that is only one part of who I am. It is in fact a very small part.
I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a friend. I am a cook. I am a blogger. I am a Mormon. I am a teacher. I am a musician. I am a pacifist. I am a peacemaker. I am a cook. I am a reader. I am an arm-chair movie critic. I am a daughter. I am an aunt. I am a babysitter. I am a traveler.
I love life. I love all beautiful things. I love the bible. I love the book of Mormon. I love my family. I love my friends (all of them...regardless of their opinions or religious affiliation). I love my home. I love my church. I love my students. I love to create new and beautiful things. I love making music. I love serving other people. I love talking! I love listening. I love playing with my son. I love to read. I love to learn.
I am more. I am SO much more than my opinion on gay marriage and you know what? So is my friend. So even though she was upset and we disagree I still consider her my friend. Because she is a complex and dynamic person who has had a lot of life experience and so am I. We are both so much more than one opinion we have and so are you. I hope we can all respect our differences and celebrate our similarities and understand that each person we come into contact with is so much more than what the eye can see.
6 comments:
Ah yes. I know the feeling. I think you should know something though. Being a person who feels exactly the way you do about the inconsiderate nature of social media a lot of the time, I NOTICE the people who choose NOT to post inflammatory comments or pictures or jokes or whatever. And if I notice, you can be sure others do too, even those who might be a bit more reckless than us at times. I generally abide by one precept with controversial topics: WHO will this hurt? I must be aware of that rather than who it might "support" if that can really be said. I don't post my opinion unless I think it WILL UPLIFT and show LOVE for my fellow-man. If I can't express my opinion succinctly and with love, then I wait until I find the words to do so...and if a topic matters that much, the words WILL come eventually, but not without a lot of thought and pondering. Now I really say all this because I don't think you should extricate yourself from the social media realm just because it's hard. Social media NEEDS people like you to be examples. You don't have to me flagrant about your beliefs to make a difference. Because honestly, the majority is doing exactly that which makes them stand out less and less in a sea of flagrant and inconsiderate people. Only you can decide if you can stay on top of it, if you want to work on reeling in your emotions and not allowing the comments of others to drag you down. Trust me, I know how HARD it is a lot of the time and how disheartening it can be to read what people are willing to put out there. But every now and then, someone puts the right thought and strings the right words together to express that thought, and you are inspired, or uplifted, and you believe in humanity again. And on the flip-side, you probably won't ever know who YOU uplift and inspire by your kind, heartfelt, and above all, THOUGHTFUL words. I despise the Chick Fil-A campaign, but generally, my understanding on things that make my heart sink is that people haven't thought it through, and I forgive them for that. And I love them for their fragility and imperfection that I know we all strive to overcome.
Rachel you are so wise. Thank you for this comment. I think it was exactly what I needed to hear.
I am writing this to you via your blog because I do not know if you will see this on your FB account. I knew when I saw what had happened that that would upset you very badly. Whether other people agree with you or not, you had every right to state your opinion. In addition, as you stated, the other person involved is a good person (and a friend of mine as well whom I also respect). She also had every right to say how she feels about this issue. I just want you to remember this. You are a terrific human being who has to be one of the kindest people whom I have ever known. You were a wonderful colleague, and most importantly, I know that you are a great wife and mother. Rachel K.'s advice sounded terrific to me. As long as a person can state his/her views with love and respect for everyone, I believe that that person has a right to do this. Social media can be a hornet's nest, but I believe that when used correctly, it can be extremely beneficial to society at large. It is through discussion that we can come to truly understand and respect each other. Social media can allow this to occur. Please don't get off of social media. You are an asset to it. (By the way, your blog is great, too!:)
Just letting you know I saw her comment and wanted to comment so bad but I was too chicken, yet again hahaa. I felt like she has a right to say how she feels about the issue but I'm not sure that it was appropriate to direct it towards you when you were not directing your beliefs towards anyone in particular. I'm sure she IS more than her comment showed but I feel like it's hard to know what people are really like when they just keep spitting out such hurtful comments all over social networks. I have my own opinions about the chick fil a viewpoints but I do just think the whole thing is getting so out of hand. I understand your reason for closing your fb account. I'm just glad you have your blog so I know how to keep in touch with you. :)
ps- sorry for commenting on every single post of yours. I just love your writing! You say what's on your mind and I appreciate your ability to do so. It is refreshing. Especially because I can never find the guts to do so on my own blog or fb lol.
I think you were really brave to post about your feelings and beliefs. I feel with the internet, it has gotten difficult. I have a lot of friends post things that really hurt my feelings, but I know in real life they would never be that insensitive. I'm sorry that you had some bad experiences. But I personally am so grateful for all that you share on your blog!
I really like what you said about us being more than our single opinions. Sometimes I want to "unfriend" someone on facebook because of something they say that they are offensive. But the thing they say is usually much smaller than the reasons they are my friend. Thanks for articulating this!
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