Family Reunion

In mid-August we went to the annual family reunion. It was absolutely delightful.

He had his first airplane ride!

He got to visit his Grandpa Van Gesen's grave for the first time.

He got to spend lots of time being loved and cuddled by his Nana and his Grandma.

He got to go on a few walks with mom and dad.

He got to meet his cousins, aunts and uncles. His cousin Andrew is only 4 weeks older than he is! They had a great time playing together :)

The biggest event of the trip was Austin's baby blessing. His dad gave him the most beautiful blessing and seven of his uncles (all of Mark's brothers and brothers-in-law) and his grandfather stood in the circle. It was such a beautiful experience. If Austin can grow up to be like any of his uncles or father or grandfathers I will be happy. They are all magnificent men.

The reunion was absolutely delightful. We ate good food and spent time with even better company. We laughed and played and caught up with family members. It was such a great time. We hope we get to make it to another reunion soon!

Thank You, Pinterest

I think Pinterest is the best thing to have happened to me as a SAHM. Ever. Here is why.

I have to admit that I still have moments when I struggle being only a homemaker. I watch people driving to work in their professional clothes in the morning, or I see them on their way home in the evening. I see the medical students, residents, and doctors walking to and from the hospital in their white coats. I drive past schools where the school yard is full of children playing. When I see them, I feel guilty. I feel lazy. I feel like I am not contributing to the world. I feel like a leech on society (Austin is currently on Medicaid and we are on WIC.)

When I go to the YMCA to work out during the middle of the day the primary demographic is 60+: a bunch of retired folks. And I feel self conscious. I feel like Hey... I should probably go get a job or something. I don't belong here at this time of day. I think I feel like that because most people my age are there in the evenings or very, very early morning because they have jobs.

So back to the pinterest thing. Since becoming married I have really developed an interest in cooking. I began developing the skill in my early marriage. Poor Mark. He still ate everything I tried to cook with a smile on his face and a "It is wonderful sweetheart!" I look back at those early cooking days and laugh. Some of the stuff I made was pretty terrible but you never would have known it based on my husband's reactions. He is a pretty awesome guy.

I really improved in the first couple of years then I sort of leveled off after coming to North Carolina. I just got too busy in my first year of teaching to pursue it. I was exhausted (emotionally and physically) after hard days at work and I just wanted to come home and chill out. So I mostly cooked what I already knew how to cook with a new thing thrown in here or there.

Then I got pregnant and had gestational diabetes and once I figured out a few things I could eat I pretty much stuck to them like glue for the remainder of my pregnancy.

Then I had Austin and suddenly BAM. I was a SAHM with a ton of time and energy (after Austin passed the 8 week mark) on my hands. Cooking was appealing again. Crafting and sewing became appealing for the first time in my entire life.  I hated crafting before that. My friend Karen introduced me to Pinterest. I deactivated my facebook account. I don't have a twitter account. Pinterest became my social media of choice.

And since I got on pinterest I have made a bunch of recipes and crafted one item. It has been fantastic. I have felt fulfilled and happy. I have read fabulous articles on parenting. I have found things to make me laugh and things to make me think.

And very early this morning I had an epiphany about being a SAHM. It IS a job. I am doing a great work. I am learning things and contributing to society. These thoughts came in a rather round about way.

Austin woke up at 3:45 wanting a snack. So I went in and fed him and put him back to sleep a little after 4. Mark was getting up at 4:30 to go to work. He'll be doing that for a month. I have decided to get up every morning to spend some time with him. So I thought to myself morning Self, you can either go to sleep for about 40 minutes or you can make your husband a wonderful, hot breakfast. And what do you think I did? I made him a wonderful hot breakfast. And here is where the pinterest part plays in. Did I make him something off pinterest? Nope. BUT. Did I experiment with a recipe (vs. always following it to the letter) for the first time in my life? You bet. And where did I get the courage to do that? Pinterest! It seems like all the blogs about cooking I have read are all about these fabulous experiments people do and it has given me courage to experiment.

If you are still reading this obscenely long post are you dying to know what I did? I added lemon juice to my pancake batter. And blueberries. That's it. I know it might sound silly and small but for me it was a big step! I have never messed with a recipe before and I did for the very first time. It was a roaring success too. They were delicious. I topped them with syrup, powdered sugar, and whipped cream. Good thing there was lots of sweet to offset the tang of the lemon blueberry pancakes.

Mark was SO surprised. He was just delighted to come down at 4:45 AM to a hot, delicious breakfast made with love by yours truly. He has been so sad and disappointed and worried the last few days because he wasn't able to get into the rotation he wanted and now has to spend lots of hours away from home. Making him feel relaxed, happy, and at peace helped me realize today being a homemaker is a worthy profession. It is a job. I am contributing to society. Instead of sending my husband to work stressed and worried I sent him feeling full, relaxed, and happy with a full belly and a homemade lunch in tow. In my small way I am making him a better doctor.

And I am caring daily for the needs of my small child. That is a job too.

Does that make sense at all? So because of Pinterest I had the courage and self confidence to make an awesome breakfast for my husband. It was delicious and he loved it. He left feeling supported and happy. When he left I felt confident and happy in my abilities as a homemaker and riding that wave of confidence I realized that my work at home is very important to his well-being and his overall performance so in some small way I am working. I have a hand in his performance on the job. It is kind of like if he performs well, I perform well and the world is a better place because of it.

So thank you Pinterst for giving me the courage and self confidence to be a better homemaker, wife, and mother and feel (at last) that what I am doing is a very important job.

Sand and Sea

We went on our very first vacation as a family of three to North Myrtle Beach, NC. It was such a fabulous trip. We did it on the cheap (not because we are, but because we're on a tight budget...) but that is the best part about the beach! It is awesome AND inexpensive!

We Pricelined a motel and got a screaming deal. Our motel had a fabulous hot continental breakfast that we got to enjoy twice. It was only two miles on a direct road to a public parking lot right on the beach. For lunch we heated up frozen TV dinners in the microwave in our room. For dinner we ate at Sonic one night and then got a screaming deal ($5 for a large pizza!) from Papa John's for the second night. We had pizza on the way home for lunch the next day too. Yum!

It was an absolutely fabulous trip. Austin wasn't quite sure what to think of the salty water and all that sun and sand, but he tolerated it well. We played in tidal pools. We looked for sea shells. We walked along the beach. We went swimming in the hotel pool. Mark went body surfing. Our kite has officially seen both the Pacific and  Atlantic oceans. We watched hours of HGTV in our hotel room while it rained. It was just fantastic. Best. Trip. Ever.

Enjoy the pictures!

Austin's 4 Month Update

I can't believe my baby is 4 months old! I do not know where the time has gone. It has simply flown by. I love him more every moment that passes. He is truly my pride and joy and greatest achievement. I love him more than I can express. Here are a few things about him at 4 months:

He sleeps like a champ-- 8 to 10 hours a night. If you had asked me two weeks after he was born if I ever imagined that was possible I would have told you no. He also takes 4 naps a day-- 45 minutes to 3.5 hours.

He is starting to laugh! It is fun to try and get him to do it. He is still not 100% there but he did have his first full out laughing fest with his dad while we were on vacation in AZ.

He is discovering his voice. He loves to coo and screech. I don't love the screech but he does. We call it his ring-wraith voice. He does it multiple times a day. It is a happy sound mostly :)

He loves his baby gym. He is getting strong enough now to rip the toys off of it. I'm so proud of my growing boy!

He loves, I mean LOVES sucking his thumb. He does it all the time, day or night.

He is still swaddled for naps but not at bedtime.

He travels really well. This is a great thing since we have and will be making a lot of trips in the next several months for various weddings and vacations.

He enjoys touching things with his hands. He tries to turn book pages. He is especially great at grabbing his O'ball, but his favorite toy is the ducky on his baby gym.

He had his baby blessing, his first trip to AZ, his first plane ride, and his first trip to the beach in his 4th month. Busy boy!

He is in the 40% for weight, 50% for height and *drum roll* 90% for head circumference. Boy is he smart!

P.S. One more thing, he loves to roll from side to side and often when I peek in on him at night after he has gone to sleep (I do that every night :) I find him sleeping on his side just like his mama :) Love that boy :)

No Time Like the Present

Diet and exercise have never been my forte. I have had a handful of times in my life when I have been consistent: my senior year of high school, my second year of marriage (for about 3 months), and my pregnancy with Austin. That is it. I have tried to eat better and exercise WAY more times than that but I usually only last a week or two, maybe a month at most.

One of my negative thought patters has been/is that if I mess up for the day or the week all is lost and I think to myself "Self, let's just call this week a wash and start over again on Sunday." Not a great thought pattern if you are trying to change your habits. For some reason I have always had it in my mind that in order to start anything it has to be at the beginning of the year/week/month: In order to start a diet it needs to be in on Sunday. In order to start a good exercise program it needs to be Monday. In order to start a weight loss goal it needs to be at the beginning of the month etc...

Well in the July 2012 Ensign Elder Uchtdorf's talk was about living in and celebrating the middle. I thought it was nice and didn't think too much about it but for some reason it did stick with me.

We just got back from a fabulous trip to AZ. I WAY overate. We're talking probably 1000 to 1500 calories more each day than I should have been eating. It was a blast but I had in my mind the entire time "Self, you're not taking care of your body very well..." and I felt a little guilty. After the reunion was over and nearly everyone except for Mark and I had left for home I decided there was no time like the present to start dieting. It was Thursday. I thought to myself that I could either wait until Monday when I got home, or I could just start now. I decided that I was tired of putting things off until the "beginning" and Elder Uchtdorf's talk came back into my mind. So I tried starting on Thursday. And I was successful. Until dinner... Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were okay. Not the best. Not as bad as it had been.

But I am home now. I haven't been tracking my calories or exercise but once again I decided there is no time like the present! So I tracked my calories yesterday. Even though it was Tuesday. Even though it was the middle of the week. I did it. I tracked my calories. And I didn't stay in them. But at least I tracked it. And TODAY I exercised AND I have been tracking my calories.

So even though it is the middle of the week I will say again: There is no time like the present to start anything that is good for you. And if it is a bad day, start again tomorrow, tonight, right now. Whenever.

God said to Moses, "All things are present with me, for I know them all." Now is the time for me to begin making positive changes in my life. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not next month. Not next year. Now. Because all things are present before God. And he is always ready for me to start being a better person. And now so am I.

2 Days and Going Strong!

I deactivated my facebook account. Yes. I'll admit. It was somewhat in response to all the negativity I garnered by my Chick-fil-A statement. But I have been considering it for a while now. I knew I was spending too much time on facebook. It was like my go-to page whenever I got on the internet. I would open up the computer check my e-mail and then immediately check facebook. Multiple times a day.

I am not against facebook by any stretch of the imagination. But let me tell you. I have felt awesome these last two days. Awesome. I have had more time on my hands. Well. I have been a better steward of the time I have on my hands. I have spent more time planning activities and foods to make for my family (a la pinterest :).  I have spent more time taking care of my home (DESPITE the olympics). And best of all I have spent more time with my little guy. I have played with him more. I have taken more pictures (not that I needed to do that...). I have read more. I have contacted people I love via phone and skype more. And all that in just two days.

I am sure I will reactivate my facebook account. It really is the only way I can stay in contact with a few people I care deeply about. But it is great getting out of my "facebook" habit and spending more time on things that are more personally fulfilling.

So don't be surprised if I post more on my blog. I have lots of thoughts running through my brain. I need an outlet. And for now, facebook is closed to me. But it has been a very, very sweet experience. All two days of it :)

U.S.A!!!

Oh man. I love the olympics. My house is in shambles. My fridge is a disaster. I had cereal for dinner. I just can't pull myself away!

I am not a sports aficionado by any stretch of the imagination. I don't enjoy watching professional sports. I am not an athlete. I struggle with my weight and maintaining an exercise regimen. But I can't get enough of the olympics. I literally watch it all day and all night.

I feel so proud of my country. I feel so proud of the athletes who represent my country. I get so excited when they win. I just love it. It is a thrill every day that I get to enjoy from the couch :)

Go USA!

P.S. Today I saw two muslim women compete in the track and field races. I was inspired by them. They are true pioneers and I celebrate their spirit. Good luck to them!

I am more...

Yesterday I posted my support for Chick-fil-A on facebook. I have never in my life posted such a controversial topic on facebook. I was feeling a bit brave and reckless I suppose. A few friends posted their agreement and that made me feel good. But one friend in particular posted some truly nasty things in response. She commented on my page pretty mildly (to her credit), then on her own page wrote how she couldn't believe she was "friends" with self righteous bigots. Wow. I knew who she was referring to (i.e. me) and the hateful, spiteful, passive aggressive nature of the comment and the succeeding things she posted took my breath away and reminded me of why I typically avoid posting political statements. 

I couldn't believe she would think of me as self righteous and bigoted for simply expressing my opinion. Why is it okay for her to say what she thinks in such a hateful way but not for me? Isn't that a double standard? Her new profile picture says "Intolerance will not be Tolerated." Isn't that an oxymoron? 

I wrote her a personal message expressing my love for her and apologizing for offending her. But I didn't apologize for my opinion. I do not need to apologize for my personal thoughts. 

I had another friend post the following on facebook a few days ago:

If I don't agree with you--it doesn't mean I hate you or am a bigot--I just do not agree---I can still love you.

That is truly how I feel as well.

Last night as I lay in bed mentally writhing (writhing, not seething. I felt badly that I had upset her) over the hateful comments I had read I had a great thought come to me:

I am more than my opinion on gay marriage and so is she-- meaning that that is only one part of who I am. It is in fact a very small part. 

I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a friend. I am a cook. I am a blogger. I am a Mormon. I am a teacher. I am a musician. I am a pacifist. I am a peacemaker. I am a cook. I am a reader. I am an arm-chair movie critic. I am a daughter. I am an aunt. I am a babysitter. I am a traveler. 

I love life. I love all beautiful things. I love the bible. I love the book of Mormon. I love my family. I love my friends (all of them...regardless of their opinions or religious affiliation). I love my home. I love my church. I love my students. I love to create new and beautiful things. I love making music. I love serving other people. I love talking! I love listening. I love playing with my son. I love to read. I love to learn. 

I am more. I am SO much more than my opinion on gay marriage and you know what? So is my friend. So even though she was upset and we disagree I still consider her my friend. Because she is a complex and dynamic person who has had a lot of life experience and so am I. We are both so much more than one opinion we have and so are you. I hope we can all respect our differences and celebrate our similarities and understand that each person we come into contact with is so much more than what the eye can see. 

A Realization

I know I have been talking about Reidsville a lot lately. It is because I have been thinking about it a lot lately. If I were going back to work I would be going back on Monday. Basically since A. was born it has felt like summer vacation to me. I think it will really hit me that I am a SAHM once the starting date for school has come and gone.

Up until today there has been a HUGE part of me that has wanted to go back to work. I loved my job. I loved my students. And gosh darn it, I was a good teacher! I was GOOD at my job! I was happy there. I was fulfilled there. I had friends there. In a word my job was fabulous. So I think it is natural that I wanted to go back.

But last night I had an epiphany. I know it might sound so simple and you may ask yourself, "Why didn't she see that before? It is so obvious!" But I just didn't. Sometimes I think it is easier for us to see other people's problems and ways to fix them than it is to see our own. Anyway. I digress. Last night I had an epiphany and it was this: If I went back to work it wouldn't be the same. And this is why:

If I were to go back to work it wouldn't be the same post-baby as it was pre-baby. It is the pre-baby work life that I have been missing and longing for. But to what purpose? It is in my past. I can always enjoy the memories but it is time to let it go. If I were to go back to work it is not like I could put A. on pause and say "Okay buddy, stop growing and developing and living until I get off work okay?" and then when I got home from work just pick up where I left off. It doesn't work like that. I would miss so much of these early years if I went back to work. I would miss milestones. I would constantly be longing to be with him. I would be doing a half-hearted job at work and feeling guilty about that at home while at the same time feeling guilty at work that I wasn't at home. Messy. As a good friend of mine said when she made the decision to be a SAHM after working the first year of her son's life: I am a perfectionist. I couldn't be a 100% teacher and a 100% mom and I hated that. So now I am choosing to be a 100% mom.

That is my choice too. And now that I have realized that what I was longing for in my future was the past, I can let it go! I can move forward into my new and bright future and always treasure the memories that are Reidsville while enjoying the present that is my son.