Being a Bailey

I have a lot of labels in gmail to categorize all the email I get. One of the labels is "Bailey Family." Mark's family sends out weekly email and I put most of them in there. I have another category called "Mark." I put all the email I get from him into that category. He is on vacation in Florida right now without me since I am still working. I made him promise to write me an email every day. As I was going to archive it in a category I almost put it in "Bailey Family." That might not be a big deal to anyone else but it was a little bit of a milestone for me. Ever since I got married I have felt like a Van Gesen who called myself a Bailey and tonight for the first time I felt like a Bailey. I am a Bailey. All of my current friends (minus a handful who knew me before marriage) have ONLY known me as a Bailey. All of my students call me Mrs. Bailey. I sign my name AB or A Bailey or Amanda Bailey multiple times each week The reason I almost put it into the category called "Bailey Family" is because I momentarily thought it referred to me and Mark-- a Bailey family. Mark and I are Baileys. We, the two of us together, are our own family and our surname is Bailey. I know that sounds weird and strange and small but it was a milestone for me tonight.

Amanda Bailey

Has a great ring to it. 

What I love about blogs....

I love the song Lord I Would Follow Thee.

There is a part in the second verse that I have been thinking about lately:

Who am I to judge another

When I walk imperfectly?
In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can’t see.
Who am I to judge another?

I am sure that if I saw most of the bloggers whose blogs I follow walking down the street or in the store all I would see would be a well-dressed person who seemed really happy or perhaps a rich couple who drove a fancy car. She might be thinner and more athletic than me. He might have a better job. They might have a nicer house. I might see someone who is cranky, bitter or depressed. That blogger might cut me off on the freeway. That blogger might hold open a door for me. That blogger might let me in front of them in the grocery line because I have one thing and she has fifty. But no matter what I might see, "Who am I to judge another? When I walk imperfectly? In their quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see." 

That is what I love about blogs. So often my favorite blogs reveal the struggles that they are facing. They are very real about the trials in their lives. Their sorrows truly are hidden: loss of a spouse, infertility, learning to deal with and take care of a disabled spouse, waiting to find that special someone, depression. The list goes on. Their sorrows are not something I would see on the street. They are not destitute. They are not disabled themselves. On the outside they look normal. But that is what I love that about their blogs. I love that they share that life is not perfect for them. I also love that they share how they have learned to rely on the Lord. I love that even though they all have different trials they are all learning the same thing: how to trust and rely on the Lord and trust in his timing. Their trials and faith strengthen my own. Their trials make mine a little clearer. The Lord is trying to teach me the same thing with my own set of trials. It makes me thankful because if I am just one little bit like some of those blogs that I read, I would be happy. They are awesome. 

The next time I am tempted to compare or be prideful I think I will try to sing Lord, I Would Follow Thee. 

I would be my brother’s keeper;

I would learn the healer’s art.
To the wounded and the weary
I would show a gentle heart.
I would be my brother’s keeper—

Savior, may I love my brother
As I know thou lovest me,
Find in thee my strength, my beacon,
For thy servant I would be.
Savior, may I love my brother—

Lord, I would follow thee.

You Always Do That!

So every Monday morning I do "Weekend Reports" with my sixth grade classes. During weekend reports we take the first 3-4 minutes of class sharing what we did over the weekend. The kids get really into it and they really love  telling me and the class what they did for the weekend. It really helps the students build a relationship of trust with me and with their classmates. It also gives everyone a chance to be a good listener and a good audience member. I always make the speaker stop and wait if there is chatter going on. The kids really do enjoy it. I usually go first. My weekend report this week went something like this:

Me: "I had the BEST weekend. I got to hang out with my husband all weekend and then on Sunday I made strawberry upside down shortcake and this awesome dinner. I had the best weekend."

Well today one of my students said to me, "Mrs. Bailey, you ALWAYS say that. You always hang out with your husband and cook something."

I laughed and said "Well hey! If I love it, why not do it all the time."

Maybe you had to be there. It was pretty funny. I love my students. They are the best. And I obviously love Mark and food too and my students have started to notice. I hope they notice that I love them too :)

Summer Plans

The end of the school year is so close! And even though I am SO excited to have a break, the real truth of the matter is that I will probably miss (some of) my students over the summer.

Mostly teaching has been great. There have been days that have been so hard that I just sat in my classroom with my elbows on the piano and my face in my hands crying, wondering if I chose the right profession. There have been other days where I thought "WHAT?! I can't BELIEVE I am getting paid to do this. This is AWESOME." Most of the days fell in between but closer to the "I can't believe I am getting paid for this." I learned so much. For those of my few readers who are in or who are contemplating education as a career I just want to say that the mantra "Never smile until Christmas" is absolutely true. I learned what it means to be consistent. I learned what it means to choose your battles. I learned that just like individuals have their own personalities, classes also have their own personalities and you have to learn to love and work with each one individually. Teaching With Love and Logic is such an awesome book. It really worked for me.

Anyway. This post isn't meant to be about my love of teaching or how much I have learned. I'll save that for the true end of the year. This is an update of summer plans.

I was so ready to go to Arizona. I had come to terms with postponing the infertility treatments. We bought tickets to fly home for a month. I was pumped. I was excited. I was ready! And then....

Mark got the paid research position he applied for.

Bitter-sweet. We really wanted to go to AZ. But we are SO thankful for the research position because it will give us a little breathing room financially.

Our car hit 150,000 miles today as I drove home during Relief Society to get the music I accidentally left at home for Ward Choir. Wow. And it is on its last legs, poor thing. So this research position is really a huge blessing because if/when our car bites the dust, we'll be ready.

So change of plans. We will simply be transferring our tickets to December when we fly home at Christmas. We will be staying in Winston-Salem all summer. We will be going forward with the fertility treatments. And we will be taking lots of weekend trips to the mountains and the beaches.

It was a win, win, win situation :)

Bad Teacher Day

Some days I just do not like teaching. Some days I wonder where the connection is between the brains of my students and their actions. Some days they are so incredibly rude it is unbelievable. And I feel like a terrible teacher because I can't manage my own classroom. And I am TIRED of it. I tired of trying to manage them. I wish they could just manage themselves. I have been told a good classroom manager helps them manage themselves but I just can't get them do it. And I feel like I am constantly living in the shadow my predecessor and coming up short. I know they don't sound as good with me as they did with her and I know my classes are half the size hers were. I hate having my weaknesses magnified in my students and then thrown back in my face. Was I that disrespectful? No. I wasn't. I know I wasn't. I have awesome students who are super respectful who remind me that I wasn't. Where do those who are rude learn to be so rude? What makes them think they can be in charge of the class? I just hated today. Today was a bad teacher day. I made so mistakes. I made more mistakes than I did things right and I hate those days. I feel like lately that has been the order of the day. I feel like I make more mistakes than I get things right. Maybe I picked the wrong career...

True Love

I am sick. Very sick. I have not been sick in over a year and I have not been sick like this in about 5 years. I had a really sore throat at work yesterday that progressively got worse as the day wore on. By the time I went home I could barely speak. When I got home I laid down on the couch to rest and I started to get the chills. Our living room was at 73 degrees and I was sitting under five blankets shivering to death.  And then I started to ache all over.. I hate that feeling. Here is where the true love begins. Mark went to the store and got me some tea and some throat lozenges. Mark prepared me some dinner and a little while after he got back we decided it would be good for me to try and go to sleep. I took some Tylenol PM because I was starting to get a fever. Mark helped me up the stairs and into bed. That is when the nausea started. I thought I just needed to burp. When it comes to stomach pain I am such a pansy. And even though I had taken PM medication I was writhing around in my bed moaning and crying because my stomach hurt. I think I probably really scared Mark. I told him he could go and he said to just call him if I needed anything. I sat up finally feeling like I was going to burp. And I did. And then I threw up ALL over the floor. It came on so suddenly that my ENTIRE dinner and all my medication came right back out my mouth.and onto my bedroom floor. I could not make it to the bathroom. It got all over t he body pillow under the bed too. I tried to call Mark but I was too busy throwing up. He heard me though and came running upstairs with a bowl. And t hen while I sat there and cried and apologized he smoothed my hair back, gave me a kiss, and cleaned it all up with paper towels and Windex. He washed the pillow and helped me move back downstairs. I got sick again downstairs, but at least I had a bowl that time. After that he walked me back up stairs and stayed with me until I finally fell asleep. I have the best husband in the whole world. I will never forget the kindness and concern he showed to me. I mean who willingly cleans up throw-up without complaint? I love my husband more than I can ever say and  I am so glad he is mine forever.