Not Fair

I had a fellow teacher friend write a blog post about an experience she recently had where she felt like she had taken a walk in her students' shoes. She had an experience that she realized her students have all the time and she said it was eye opening and made her feel more in tune with them.

I feel like I have had one of those experiences.

I had the most awesome idea for a field trip. I looked into all the details: participation fees, bus cost, chaperons, parent permission, time away from school, price per student, etc... I was so excited! The band had already been approved for the same trip so I was really looking forward to doing the same thing with my Treble Makers (advanced girls choir). I got everything ready to go. I planned and carried out big fundraisers. I was excited. My kids were excited. I presented the proposal for the trip.

Then I got the answer back: No. You can't go. You did not give me enough advance notice.

What!? Enough advance notice?! The trip is not for 2 1/2 months! The handbook says I only have to give a 1 month notice! How is that not enough time?! The band is going!!

THAT IS NOT FAIR!!!

If I got a dime for every time I heard a middle school student say "That is not fair" I would be a millionaire. And a middle school teacher always says "Life is not fair." Well, today I experienced the "unfairness" of life. I cried for an hour... alone... in my classroom.

I do not understand why I can't go. Didn't I do everything I was supposed to? Didn't I follow all of the rules exactly? Why does it feel so arbitrary? I am a first year teacher! How was I supposed to know? I am so frustrated and disappointed that I could scream. Who do I go to for help? My parents can't do anything. I can't go over my administrator's head to the next guy up on the ladder. I just have to accept it.

I see students here getting told that all the time. You just have to accept it and move on.

BUT WHY?! I can see they are wondering that. I can see it in their faces. They will usually do it though, mutinously. And I do the same thing. I accept it. Angrily. Spitefully. Hatefully. But I accept it and move on because there is nothing I can do about it. I feel so powerless and I hate it.

It has been eye opening. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do for my students. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do for myself. Life is not fair. And that is just the way it is. But at least I can learn something from it. And move on.