I have been really homesick here in North Carolina. I have anxiety. I am sad. My heart just aches to go back to the wide west with its big mountains, bigger skies, and lots and lots of exposed rock. I miss BYU. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss seeing a temple every single day.
I have been thinking a lot about my pioneer ancestors who made a trek opposite to my own. I wonder what it was like for them.
Were they like my dad? My dad left the east to settle in the west and he never looked back. He loved living in the west and always extolled its virtues. He told me I could choose to be happy no matter where I lived.
Or were they like me? Anxious. Scared. Uncomfortable. Wishing they were back in familiar territory...
There are so many things I have to adjust to. The most difficult thing by far has been the climate. That was a surprise to me. I did not think it would take that much adjustment. I do not like bugs. I feel like my kitchen is a war zone: me vs. the cockroaches. I think I am winning. I do not like humidity. I do not like all the trees everywhere. There are just lots of things to adjust to.
I love my ward family. They are the people who are making this transition possible for me. I can't complain about them in any way, shape or form. They are loving and kind and have opened their hearts and arms to us. When I leave this place I know I will miss them terribly.
I love the gospel. That is the same no matter where I am. The words of the Book of Mormon, Bible, Doctrine and Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price do not change no matter how far away I am from home. God's awareness and love for me do not change no matter how far away I am from home.
Now that I have all of that out in the open I think I need to try harder to focus on the positive. I try not to think about how homesick I am but sometimes I just can't help it. But I am going to try to help it. Because this is home for me now and it is time to start making it feel that way.
7 comments:
Good luck with the transition. If you're ever around Durham, you should try to meet up with my sister and brother-in-law to hang out!
I know exactly how you feel, humidity, away from family and friends, and yes even the cockroaches! I discovered they fly last night...ugh! It was a frantic mess...Thank goodness for the church and its organization! Without that, I would not feel very positive at all! I love you Amanda!
its funny that I did the opposite a few years ago- left Maine to come to BYU and never went back to live- just visit. the things you dont like are things I LOVE and miss. But its hard no matter where you move. I know when we leave for medical school I am going to miss it here like crazy!! I am sorry its been so hard for you, I actually totally understand! the bugs are pretty awful, so I learned to hate going outside unless it was to the beach- but there are a lot of different bugs to watch out for there so on the east you can never win.
But the thing I miss the most about the east coast was the attitude of the ward members toward the gospel. Because they don't have temples right next door they cherish temple trips, and love coming to church and feel the spirit and they have testimonies that shine brighter than the sun! There are people like that here too but I love the members on the east coast because they fight for it every day and I am so glad I grew up there and had to fight each day to defend my beliefs and strengthen my testimony.
You are amazing and it will work out I promise. Heavenly Father loves you and is aware of all the things you are going through
oh yes. the humidity is definitely an adjustment. and so are the cockroaches haha... living in a new area is hard. just try to always focus on the positive! the reasons you are there and the fact that you are there with your husband. maybe look at it as a new adventure to share with him! yes its a new scary place but the east coast is so beautiful in its own way and really has so much to offer. go exploring every once in a while! i know with how much moving sam and i have done, going out and finding new places to explore has always made us appreciate the area so much more! and by the way... once you get a little more used to the humidity, you just might find you like it-- its nice not to have to lotion your skin everyday like out in the desert west lol.. good luck girl! i think your dad had it right when he said you can choose to be happy anywhere you live. i'm sure things will get better for you. just choose to let that happen! :)
I know what you mean about being homesick for another land... But your dad was right about being able to be happy wherever you are. We used to move a lot when I was younger, and whenever I would start to complain my mom would remind me to "Bloom where I'm planted". I hated it when she said that! but she's right. It's just another part of learning to be happy because/despite of our circumstances instead of saying "I'll be happy when...".
I know you already know this! But just wanted to let you know you're not alone :) Your time in NC will be over before you know it, and soon enough you'll be back in dry weather, away from the bugs and surrounded by beautiful mountains and temples! love you!
okay, so maybe this is weird to post on a blog comment...I was at the temple on Saturday and sat trying to think of who I knew that could use heavenly help to record their name. Yours was in the forefront of my mind. So, may this week seem a little easier for you. God Speed
Just hang on till autumn. Then you will fall in love. At least, that's what happened to me here in AR. Plus, that's when it dries out some, too. (Still can't stand the humidity myself, after 12 years in the South!)
You can take the AZ girl out of AZ, but you can't the AZ out of an AZ girl, right! :)
Thanks for sharing real feelings. That's one of the things I love most about you.
Post a Comment