Friday, May 7, 2010
Up all Night
It is approximately 4:30 AM. I have been up since 1:00 AM. I woke up in bed with severe cramping. Not a shock since I have known about the impending pain associated with the miscarriage I am having. I started bleeding without pain almost a week ago, went to the doctor, found out the baby had died, and have been crying about the emotional pain all week. Tonight the physical pain started. If I ever get pregnant again and I carry the baby to term I am definitely getting an epidural for delivery. I came into the living room so I wouldn't disturb Mark and watched The Labyrinth as my cramping intensified. I love that movie and haven't seen it in years. The Condies gave Mark and me a one month free trial for Netflix today. Not a moment too soon. It kept my mind off the pain. Then I started passing the tissue that was my baby. And I cried and cried. Because my heart hurt. And my body hurt. I didn't want to flush the toilet. But I had to. A watery grave for my little one. I wonder when the spirit enters the body? Will I get to meet this one or is this experience to give me patience, empathy and faith? I guess I'll have to wait until I get to heaven to know that. So whether or not I get to meet this little baby, goodbye for now. Thank you for the happiness and hope you gave to me. I love you.
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5 comments:
Amanda,
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Keep the faith. You're wonderful and I admire your faith and optimism despite this very hard thing. Your example is so wonderful.
I love you!
Amanda,
Aunt Tannie here. I am at work with your mom this week. Sorry for your loss sweetie, our prayers are with you both. Amanda I have had the experiece of women sharing their personal experiece with me. After they had a miscarriage they had the spirit witness to them that the oppertunity would be given them to have that little spirit come back in a different body. Our Father loves us so much we are given many chances to have joy. I know this has been very difficult for you both but with God there is always hope in a bright tomorrow. You are in our prayers. Love you honey.
I so admire the faith and patience you have put in these blog posts, Amanda. I wish I could handle my own trials with such grace and strength. You are wonderful and I really enjoyed being your visiting teaching companion, even if it was only for a few months. I love you and I know that Heavenly Father loves you and your family, too.
I know that nothing I can say can help you feel better, but I want you to know that I am praying for you, love and miss you. I hope that you are able to find some happiness soon.
Love,
Susan Rasmussen
I'm sorry for the pain and suffering you are going through. Remember our Savior suffered for our sins AND our trials and pain. He is there for you. My heart is heavy too--sad to see our children go through such challenges. You and Mark are chosen children of our Heavenly Father and He is pleased that you want to be parents. You will be awesome ones. I can hardly wait to see the cute, precocious children you and Mark have.
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