Summer Plans

The end of the school year is so close! And even though I am SO excited to have a break, the real truth of the matter is that I will probably miss (some of) my students over the summer.

Mostly teaching has been great. There have been days that have been so hard that I just sat in my classroom with my elbows on the piano and my face in my hands crying, wondering if I chose the right profession. There have been other days where I thought "WHAT?! I can't BELIEVE I am getting paid to do this. This is AWESOME." Most of the days fell in between but closer to the "I can't believe I am getting paid for this." I learned so much. For those of my few readers who are in or who are contemplating education as a career I just want to say that the mantra "Never smile until Christmas" is absolutely true. I learned what it means to be consistent. I learned what it means to choose your battles. I learned that just like individuals have their own personalities, classes also have their own personalities and you have to learn to love and work with each one individually. Teaching With Love and Logic is such an awesome book. It really worked for me.

Anyway. This post isn't meant to be about my love of teaching or how much I have learned. I'll save that for the true end of the year. This is an update of summer plans.

I was so ready to go to Arizona. I had come to terms with postponing the infertility treatments. We bought tickets to fly home for a month. I was pumped. I was excited. I was ready! And then....

Mark got the paid research position he applied for.

Bitter-sweet. We really wanted to go to AZ. But we are SO thankful for the research position because it will give us a little breathing room financially.

Our car hit 150,000 miles today as I drove home during Relief Society to get the music I accidentally left at home for Ward Choir. Wow. And it is on its last legs, poor thing. So this research position is really a huge blessing because if/when our car bites the dust, we'll be ready.

So change of plans. We will simply be transferring our tickets to December when we fly home at Christmas. We will be staying in Winston-Salem all summer. We will be going forward with the fertility treatments. And we will be taking lots of weekend trips to the mountains and the beaches.

It was a win, win, win situation :)

Bad Teacher Day

Some days I just do not like teaching. Some days I wonder where the connection is between the brains of my students and their actions. Some days they are so incredibly rude it is unbelievable. And I feel like a terrible teacher because I can't manage my own classroom. And I am TIRED of it. I tired of trying to manage them. I wish they could just manage themselves. I have been told a good classroom manager helps them manage themselves but I just can't get them do it. And I feel like I am constantly living in the shadow my predecessor and coming up short. I know they don't sound as good with me as they did with her and I know my classes are half the size hers were. I hate having my weaknesses magnified in my students and then thrown back in my face. Was I that disrespectful? No. I wasn't. I know I wasn't. I have awesome students who are super respectful who remind me that I wasn't. Where do those who are rude learn to be so rude? What makes them think they can be in charge of the class? I just hated today. Today was a bad teacher day. I made so mistakes. I made more mistakes than I did things right and I hate those days. I feel like lately that has been the order of the day. I feel like I make more mistakes than I get things right. Maybe I picked the wrong career...

True Love

I am sick. Very sick. I have not been sick in over a year and I have not been sick like this in about 5 years. I had a really sore throat at work yesterday that progressively got worse as the day wore on. By the time I went home I could barely speak. When I got home I laid down on the couch to rest and I started to get the chills. Our living room was at 73 degrees and I was sitting under five blankets shivering to death.  And then I started to ache all over.. I hate that feeling. Here is where the true love begins. Mark went to the store and got me some tea and some throat lozenges. Mark prepared me some dinner and a little while after he got back we decided it would be good for me to try and go to sleep. I took some Tylenol PM because I was starting to get a fever. Mark helped me up the stairs and into bed. That is when the nausea started. I thought I just needed to burp. When it comes to stomach pain I am such a pansy. And even though I had taken PM medication I was writhing around in my bed moaning and crying because my stomach hurt. I think I probably really scared Mark. I told him he could go and he said to just call him if I needed anything. I sat up finally feeling like I was going to burp. And I did. And then I threw up ALL over the floor. It came on so suddenly that my ENTIRE dinner and all my medication came right back out my mouth.and onto my bedroom floor. I could not make it to the bathroom. It got all over t he body pillow under the bed too. I tried to call Mark but I was too busy throwing up. He heard me though and came running upstairs with a bowl. And t hen while I sat there and cried and apologized he smoothed my hair back, gave me a kiss, and cleaned it all up with paper towels and Windex. He washed the pillow and helped me move back downstairs. I got sick again downstairs, but at least I had a bowl that time. After that he walked me back up stairs and stayed with me until I finally fell asleep. I have the best husband in the whole world. I will never forget the kindness and concern he showed to me. I mean who willingly cleans up throw-up without complaint? I love my husband more than I can ever say and  I am so glad he is mine forever.

Southwest

There are so many things I love about the southwest:

Exposed rock

Big Skies

Hot days and cool evenings (in the South, the evenings are not cool because of the humidity...)

Huge mountains

Canyons

AND........

$200 round trip tickets on Southwest Airlines.

AWESOME!

When Mark and I saw those prices, we finally decided to take a vacation to Arizona this summer. We are planning on staying for four weeks. We were having a hard time deciding whether or not to go for several reasons. 

The primary reason is that Mark applied for and might be awarded a paid research position this summer. With our car on its last legs we need the money pretty badly. 

The secondary reason is that I am slated to start intense fertility treatment this summer, including 2 oral medications along with an injectable medication and regular ultrasounds to monitor the development of my follicles.

A third reason is that I only have a 7 week summer and I did not want to spend so much of it away from home. 

The fourth reason is financial. We can't afford to go unless we stay for at least 4-5 weeks (to recoup the living expenses at our parents houses... :)

We had actually decided not to go about a month ago for those reasons. But Mark came to me the other night (before we found those cheap tickets) and asked me to reconsider. He said he really felt strongly that he wanted to go to Snowflake. He said he felt it would help him fully relax and unwind so he can be ready for his second year of medical school and step one of the USMLE (a HUGE test 2nd year medical students take that affects what kind of career they will have in medicine). I was not convinced. I REALLY wanted to start my fertility meds this summer and get the ball rolling with that, especially because I might not have the health insurance to do it next year if I can't be rehired due to financial hardship in my school district. He told me if that was my only reason he might be a little bitter this summer but that he could manage and still have a good summer. I told him I would think about it. 

And I did think about it. And I thought "You know what, Mark is more important than my unborn children. He is my family right now. We have waited and tried for 3 1/2 years. What is another month? And if I loose my health insurance and we have to wait until Mark is in residency, then we have to wait and that is that. I would rather have a happy husband. I should not abandon my stewardship now for what I might have stewardship over later." 

With those thoughts in my head I got online to look at airline tickets and the first ones I found were $200 round trip tickets per person. WOW. You can't DRIVE for that price. So I showed them to Mark and he said "Let's think about it for a couple of days." When I told him my reasons for going (see paragraph above) we decided to go for it. So we did. And now we are going. YAY!

We still do not know whether or not Mark is going to get that research position. We are kind of hoping he doesn't so we can just go to Arizona. But we decided it will be a win, win, WIN (10 points if you know where that quote comes from) situation either way. Right now we are staying for a month. If he gets it, we will simply change our returning or departing flight so we will only be gone for two weeks, which we will be able to afford because he will be getting paid AND because Southwest doesn't charge you if you change your flight (unless it is a more expensive flight of course, and then you have to pay the difference). I will be able to continue my fertility medication, and we will take a vacation to Disney World or the beach. We will also be able to build up our savings. If he doesn't get the job, then we get a month long vacation with our families. We will get to visit BYU and Utah during that time. Mark will be able to have a fully relaxing summer where he just gets to study and read and rest to his heart's content. I will get to see my mom and visit my dad's grave and maybe help her finally choose a headstone for it. So you see, no matter what happens it will be a win, win, WIN situation. 

Hooray for Southwest!

Jesus Christ, my Savior and Friend

I only a couple of minutes but my heart is so full I had to share.

I am so thankful for Jesus Christ. Mark and I did not have the financial resources to celebrate Easter in any way this year which gave me plenty of time to reflect on Jesus Christ, my Savior. I am so thankful for Christ. I am so thankful for the atonement. My heart is overflowing with gratitude. I do not even have the words to express how much I appreciate and love Jesus Christ for what he did and for Heavenly Father allowing his only begotten son in the flesh to suffer and die for my transgression and pain.

I know the closeness I feel right now to my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ is because I have been reading the Book of Mormon, sincerely praying, and attending church regularly. I am so thankful for these tools that are allowing me to know Christ better. To know Heavenly Father better. To know myself better. I am so thankful for the perspective I am gaining from the scriptures and prayer.

I love my Savior. I love my Heavenly Father. I love the Holy Scriptures. I know there is more to life than what we can see with our eyes and hear with our ears. I know there is a part of life that we must learn to see and hear with our hearts. I am so thankful to have guidance from God during this time in my life. He sure doesn't tell me everything and he lets me learn from trial and error but he does tell me all the time I am loved, cared for, and watched over. God is good. Easter is the best time of year.

Gratitude

I am so thankful for my wonderful husband. I am so thankful he is healthy. I am so thankful he is happy in his career choice. I am so thankful he takes me to the temple. I am so thankful he reads the scriptures and prays with me regularly. If I never have children at least I have a healthy, wonderful husband. I hope I never take that gift for granted because he is a gift and many people do not have that gift from God. I am so thankful for the institution of marriage. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with it. There are not words to express my gratitude. I love my husband more than life.

Counting Down!

Five more school days until spring break!

Ten more days until my first visit with a reproductive endocrinologist!

Twenty-five more school days until my final concert of the school year!

Forty-five more school days left in the school year!

I can't believe how much time has passed already. It has almost been a year that I have lived in North Carolina. It has been a year since I graduated from BYU. I miss many things about my past, but I got a wonderful piece of advice from Rosalind Hall before I left BYU. She said "You can never go back." And she is right. As much as I miss BYU, Utah, Arizona, and everything that goes with those things I can never go back and relive that part of my life. In fact, that part of my life was probably so awesome because I tried to take advantage of every moment that I had there. I am going to try to take advantage of every moment I have here. So no more of this counting down business. I think I am going to have one motto for the rest of the school year.

CARPE DIEM!

Sieze the carp!



Just kidding.

SEIZE THE DAY! Live in the moment. Plan for the future.