Patience

Have you ever seen The Mummy? You know, that movie with Brendan Fraser? It is a late 90's movie that I liked as a young teenager. One of my favorite lines (totally cheesy now, by the way) occurs when they are being chased by some sort of mummy/undead guys. The main female is trying to find or interpret (I can't remember) something out of this ancient book of the dead/living (again, can't remember which) and Brendan Fraser's is urging her to hurry. She sings out "Patience is a virtue!" and he says "Not right now it isn't!" I thought that was so funny. But that isn't what this post is about. This post is about patience. And whenever I think about patience that line always comes to mind for some reason.

Nothing has taught me patience faster or more effectively than being a mother.

Patience with myself.

Patience with my son.

Patience with other people. Period.

I always knew I wasn't a super patient person. It was always something I admired about my mom. She has it in spades. It is always something I disliked about my dad. He didn't have much. And I have to say I was a little more like my dad than my mom in that way. Which is probably why I disliked the characteristic so much in him.

Being a mom has taught me to be patient with myself. I mess up. I make mistakes. I get angry. I yell. I huff off in anger. And then I take a deep breath and say "Self, that was wrong. Try again."

Being a mom has taught me to be patient with my son. He is only a baby. When he screams or cries he doesn't do it to bug me. He doesn't do it because he is being naughty or malicious. He does it because he is scared, or confused, or hungry, or cold, or something is happening that he doesn't like. He has two modes: happy because things are going the way he wants them to go and upset because they aren't. When he is happy he is all smiles. When he is upset he cries. That is all he knows. I have to be patient with him, teach him how to calm down, and give him more tools for expressing what he is really feeling. But that will take time.

Being a mom has taught me to be patient and more understanding of other people. When I was in the midst of my struggle with infertility and being a new teacher I posted once about a bad day I had had. And I stand by that post. It was a crappy day! People have bad days whether they have kids or not. And there was this woman who made a comment to the effect of "Well, your day couldn't have been that bad, or at least not as bad as mine. At least you get to go home and get a break. The hardest job in the world is being a mom and sometimes I regret having kids because it is just so hard. So actually you're lucky. But having kids is nice too."

That felt like a slap in the face because all I wanted at the time was kids! And you know what? I judged her. I thought to myself what a terrible mother she must be because she felt that way about her children and her position as a stay at home mom. I thought she just didn't know how good she had it and how hard infertility was and that she just didn't understand.

Well she didn't understand how hard infertility was. But guess what? I didn't understand how hard mothering young children was! And now I know. It is hard! It takes a great deal of patience. And I am tired. I have not had any sort of time away from my sweet Austin in over a week because he has been sick. All day and night I have been on call. I didn't see any of my friends. I didn't go to the gym and exercise. I stayed home. And I was lonely. And I am tired and I feel like I just need a break! And that poor woman who I mentioned earlier probably felt what I am feeling only 10 times worse. How could I have sat in judgement of her?! I feel pretty bad about it now.

But being a mother has taught me patience with others. I don't know what burdens they carry in their hearts. I don't know what it is like to walk a mile in their shoes. But until I do I will try to be patient with them. I will be patient with them even if I disagree or disapprove because who am I to say their struggle isn't valid just because I don't have the same struggles?

Patience really is a virtue. It is one I will have to spend my life cultivating and I can't say it is easy and I can't say I am thankful for all the experiences that are helping me to cultivate it in my life but I know from experience that one day I will be thankful. I just have to be patient and wait for that day to come :)