Missionary Wisdom

My husband's youngest brother, Joseph, is serving a mission right now in the Czech Republic. I love reading his letters because they are so inspirational. Sometimes I think he has gone through an experience just for me so I could learn from his wonderful example. This is a quote from his letter this week:

"This week, I learned about not getting offended.  There are times when people say things that I could totally take the wrong way.  Sometimes it's easier to take the wrong way and get angry.  But actually, that makes everything harder.  It is so much easier to just take a deep breath, put the comment or situation in context, say a prayer, and then continue on, as if it hadn't happened." 

~Elder Joseph Bailey~

~Czech Prauge Mission~

Wow. Can I just say I needed to hear that? I am having a really hard time with some things that have been said at work. There is one teacher in particular who keeps complaining that her classes are too big this year and why won't more kids take chorus, like it is my fault or something. She keeps telling me how big chorus used to be and wonders why it is so much smaller. I can tell you why. It is because an iconic teacher that was here for 30 years left and when she left no one signed up for chorus because they did not want the "new" person. All this happened before I was hired, by the way. I have no control over who they put into my classes.The guidance office takes care of everything and I have already told them to feel free to just stick kids into my class. I have already increased my numbers by about 15 or 20 because the kids are spreading good rumors about me. I think she is truly annoyed by the fact that they won't just stick unwilling kids into my classes. Sometimes the way she says it is really hateful and hurtful and it makes me feel terrible. 

But just like Elder Bailey said in his e-mail I need to not be offended. I need to remember that she is old, tired, and one year away from retirement. Her budget has been cut in half and she is worried about not having enough supplies for her students. I should pray for her, not be hurt by her. If I choose to get offended it just makes me too angry to do my work and my lesson plans. So I need to choose to try and be more understanding even if she chooses to not be understanding of a first year teacher trying to build up a choral program. 

So when you read this in a year or two if ever Joseph, thanks. I really needed to hear that.

Washington D.C.

My husband and I visited Washington D.C. for the very first time! It was incredible. And the best part about the trip was that we got to spend a day and a half with our friends, the Condies, who live just outside of the city. Pictures to come but I know that if I don't post something I won't post anything at all. It was a fabulous experience and I can't wait to go back for more! The monuments were... well... monumental! The museums were out of this world. The company was the best. Hopefully we'll be able to repeat the experience in the summer!

I just want to be a mom...

A Great Quote

A friend posted this on facebook. I never want to forget it:


"It isn't the big troubles in life that require character. Anybody can rise to a crisis and face a crushing tragedy with courage, but to meet the petty hazards of the day with a laugh--I really think that requires SPIRIT." ~Daddy Long Legs

A Great Quote

A friend posted this on facebook. I never want to forget it:


"It isn't the big troubles in life that require character. Anybody can rise to a crisis and face a crushing tragedy with courage, but to meet the petty hazards of the day with a laugh--I really think that requires SPIRIT." ~Daddy Long Legs

A "purrrrr-fect" Christmas

I just had the most wonderful Christmas break. I got to spend oodles of time with my mom. I wish I was still in AZ so I could spend more time with her! I love her more than anyone (except for Mark!) I got to spend quality time with my in-laws. I got The Art of French Cooking by Julia Child. I can't WAIT to get started! I got a wonderful love note from my husband. That was my favorite gift. I was spoiled rotten by both of my families. I have the most wonderful family in the world. It was delightful spending Christmas with all of them.

I have the most wonderful mother-in-law and father-in-law. My father-in-law has really started to fill the gap left by my dad passing away. He is so loving and kind. He is so interested in what happens to me. I feel like he is proud of me and wants the best for me, just like my dad used to do. He is a wonderful father. He gives me hugs just at the right time when I need them. I am not sure I can really explain it but he has really helped me deal with the loss of my father by stepping up to the plate and being more like a father than a father-in-law to me. My mother-in-law is also a wonderful person. She always makes me feel comfortable and she is always there to help me when I need it. She and my mother are the kind of women I want to be when I grow up. There is simply no competition between my in-laws and anyone else's in-laws in my opinion. They are  loving, generous, and kind. They are so wonderful that most of the time I simply don't know what to say to them. I never feel like I can adequately express my gratitude to them. First of all I will always be in their debt for raising such a wonderful son to be my husband. And they keep doing all these wonderful and amazing things for me! I know that in this life I can never repay them for their kindness and goodness. I hope I can pay it forward with my own children someday.

Their most recent generous gift to us was Moses. He is a cat. He is the best, most beautiful, most well behaved cat in the world. He was their cat. But they decided they no longer needed him to be around. So they decided to give Moses to us. We were so excited. Then we discovered it would be quite a challenge (and an expense) getting Moses all the way across the country. We were disappointed because we thought we would not be able to have him. But they somehow knew how much we needed something to love and take care of (because we can't have children right now). So they took care of all the arrangements and the expenses and flew Moses home with us. So now we are the proud owners of a wonderful cat named Moses. it feels so wonderful to have this little animal in our home. It helps to fill the empty space in our hearts for now.

So if you read this Mom and Dad Bailey, THANK YOU. You'll never know how much this means to us... especially me. Because I know my infertility is harder on Mark than he lets on. And I know he gets lonely during the day. But now he has a special friend to keep him company. So he is happier. And I LOVE cats and I love it when Mark is happy, so I am happier too. Thank you again. I love you. Merry Christmas!

Crazy Pills

Mark and I flew to AZ for Christmas. It has been such a wonderful trip. I have been anxious, depressed, and really emotional but I am so glad I have been able to be all of those things here. Right before we left NC I found out I might not have a job next year because of budget cuts. I am really scared about losing my job and my health insurance because that means we will not be able to see the doctors I need to see in order to have children. So not only am I scared of losing my job I am anxious that I will have to wait even longer before I can have children. And for the first time since my miscarriage I am taking fertility meds. And those make me crazy. Depressed. Anxious. Easily Upset. All of these things. But here is my comparison.

One of my favorite movies of all time is "A Beautiful Mind." It is based on a true story about a man who has schitzophrenia. For the first part of the movie neither he nor the viewer of the movie realizes that he is crazy and that he is seeing things that are not there. Then the viewer realizes he is crazy. Then he realizes he is crazy. Once he realizes he is crazy he actually has a great deal of self control and he can control himself and his emotions. The unreal images are still there but he just ignores them and lives a fairly normal life.

That is how I feel taking my fertility medications. At first I am crazy and emotional. Everything upsets me. I am depressed and anxious and I feel like a terrible person. Then I remember that I am not normally like that. I realize that it is just the medication I am taking that makes me crazy and I am more able to control myself. The anxiety and depression are still there but I can mostly push it aside and just try to ignore it.

Anyway. I just thought of one more thing. Even if I do loose my job and we have to wait longer to try have children because I loose my health insurance, I shouldn't think of it that way. Because my children will not come to me one second before they are supposed to be here. I feel easier in my mind knowing I am doing all I can to get them here by seeing doctors but if they don't come while I am trying this time then this just wasn't the time. So it really does not matter if I have a job with health insurance that allows me to try for them. They will come when they come whether I have health insurance or not. All I can do right now is hope they come within the next 8 months (meaning I will get pregnant in the next 8 months). So that is what I will do. And I will try my best not to get discouraged if it doesn't happen right now.