Back to Blogging?

My kids are getting older and as they grow up some I find myself with more time on my hands! Two blog posts in one week after months of no blogging? Either I have a lot on my mind or else I just have more time now that my kids are post-baby age and pre-school age.

So the thing I hate the most about infertility treatments are that I just feel like I am not in control of my own body. It's really not a very nice feeling. All I want is for it to work properly and it doesn't. I am on the time table dictated by my physician: Exercise now. Don't exercise now. Take this. Don't take that. Have sex now. Wait a few days before having sex. Wait. Test yourself on this day.

We are taking a break for several months while we save up for more treatments and also just to give ourselves an emotional rest. Yesterday I signed up for a sprint triathlon. I can't wait. It feels so awesome to be dictating the schedule TO my body instead of being dictated to BY my body.

Today I started my training with a 9 mile bike ride. It felt amazing. Instead of googling "early pregnancy signs" or "earliest I can take a pregnancy test after an IUI" I am googling "full sleeve vs. sleeveless wetsuit" and "12 week training ideas" and looking up nearby training facilities. It just feels so good to feel like I have some control for a little while. I've already booked the hotel for our family for my race. We're planning on making it a little family vacation. It's been fantastic.

So here is to several months of taking control until I am ready to put the timing of my life back in the Lord's hands.

(pic from a tri I did about a year ago) 

Infertility Round 2

I am back in the throes of infertility treatment. I truly forgot how awful it was. It's a good thing I forgot how awful it was or I can tell you now that I would NEVER have done it again. All the meds. All the expense. It feels like a $2000 gamble every time I try to get pregnant. It is so discouraging when it doesn't work out. The medications make me feel irritable and tired and the two week waiting period is just as miserable as it ever was.

We just failed our second round. I am feeling so discouraged. I just want to give up and say to hell with it all while I try to be the best mom I can be to the blessings I already have. And maybe I will do that. But the day you take a failed pregnancy test is probably not the best day to make any decisions about future fertility treatments...