"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

Happy Halloween! We actually dressed up this. I pretty much felt like the lamest mom ever last year when I hadn't gotten a costume for Austin and it was the day before Halloween. He ended up going as a skeleton because we had a onesie with skeleton bones on it that someone had given us. He rocked it and looked awesome but I felt kind of like a slacker.

So this year we ALL dressed up. I planned way ahead and had everyone's costumes ready 3 weeks early. Mark and I have never dressed up as a married couple. It just wasn't our thing. But we sure had a good time this year!

I went as the Death Star-- not yet fully operational :) Mark went as a Stormtrooper and Austin went as Darth Vadar. He had the cutest little cape and hat! The cape was my favorite part. He didn't leave the hat on, unfortunately. But he still looked super cute!

May the force be with you!

It's a baby...

BOY!

Here I am about 21 weeks along carrying our next son. We couldn't be more excited for Austin to have a brother. We hope they become the best of friends. 

Where We've Been

It's been a long time since I wrote anything on this blog. It has lain abandoned for nearly a month and a half. We've sure done a lot of things and I sure love spending time with Mark and Austin. That is mainly what has kept me away. But tonight I have some time so here is a brief update.

We moved. The lease on our hold house was up after three years (thankfully) and our friends moved out of their old place (sadly) at the same time. We just took up residence in their old digs. We love our new place.

Mark has had a lot of free time these last few months so we've done a lot of little trips around town.

We went to the BYU vs. Virginia game. We lost. And Austin got really sick. But it was fun to be at a real game!

We went on a road trip. Hopefully I'll get around to writing a whole blog post about that! It was an incredible four days. We had a great time.

We taught Austin to say "TOUCHDOWN!" and hold up his hands. He also does false start which is pretty much just waving his hands really fast. He can't really do the whole spin thing.

We went to the Winston Salem Air Show. It rained so it was kind of lame. Most of the planes couldn't fly. But we had a good time anyway.

Mark ran in a sprint triathlon! He was such a champ. I'm really proud of all the hard work he put in. It was fun to see him transitioning and then sprint across the finish line. Way to go, sweetheart!

Austin got croup :( It was so sad to see him in his little hospital gown but he sure looked cute too! I loved his little diapered bum sticking out the back of the robes.

Mom and Dad Bailey came for a visit. We had a wonderful time with them here.

We went pumpkin picking for the first time. Austin had a great experience. Some of the pumpkins were bigger than he was!

We took an afternoon drive to the Blue Ridge Parkway to see the fall colors. Our camera could do it justice if we knew how to operate it better, but alas-- we don't. It was absolutely beautiful though.

Things in North Carolina are going well. We love it here. We've been so happy together as a little family.  It has been wonderful having Mark around so much. Life really doesn't get any better.

An answered prayer

I have been reading a lot, probably too much, facebook lately. I joined a group out of curiosity called Feminist Mormon Housewives. There are lots of nice women who post things. But there are some pretty self-righteous and mean posts too. There is a big movement right now about Ordaining Women in the church. I find it fascinating. But mostly the group has been posting things about how women are so ill treated and how tired they are of patriarchy and how it isn't right that women are told how to dress and what to think by the media and by men. And sometimes I wonder if they realize how much they are like the things they say they hate. They too try to tell women how to think and how to live their lives and what is right and what is wrong. Anyway.

Reading it has left me feeling uninspired, dejected, and confused. I am pretty satisfied with my life. I have never had a crappy bishop or other male leader who has made me feel like less of a person or like my opinion mattered less in the church because I am a woman. Most of those women either have had experiences like that or they read too much into situations they have experienced.

I don't think they are wicked or apostate or anything like that. I think they are just strong personalities who want a bigger voice in the church governance and priesthood power. And that is okay with me. But I don't always like the way they respond to traditional viewpoints. They get all upset when others respond to their viewpoints with vitreous gut reactions but they totally do the same thing!

Anyway. I have just felt confused and upset lately. I don't know who is right. Are they right to request the things they are asking for? Are the more traditional people right? What about the whole "Even the very elect will be deceived?" thing that is supposed to happen in these last days? Are they feminist groups being deceived? Are the traditional groups being lulled into a false sense of security? Who is right? And how will I know?

I thought those very thoughts last night and as I thought them I realized that Joseph Smith had that very same thought when he was young. He must have been as confused or more confused than I am.

So last night right before bed I said a quick prayer because I was pretty tired. I just told God I was confused and that I didn't know what to do or who was right. I pondered getting of facebook but that didn't seem right or necessary. I have thought a lot about posting some of my thoughts and feelings on the site but that didn't seem right either. So I just went to bed confused and thinking I would just let it go for now.

And my prayer was answered today. Isn't that interesting? It was a quick prayer. I didn't spend long in prayer. It was sincere and heartfelt, but didn't seem particularly more important than my other nightly prayers. But I think Heavenly Father felt differently. I think he knows that this is an important question. This is an important issue for me and he wanted me to know he heard my little prayer.

The answer came through a talk I heard at church. I didn't think too much about it other than that I really liked it. Then when I was reading my scriptures tonight in Deuteronomy 6 what was talked about in church was reemphasized and I felt then a gentle thought that this was the answer I was looking for.

The answer was this: The greatest of all commandments is love. And if you truly love everyone and love God you will be on the right path doing the right things. You won't be stealing, or murdering, or looking at pornography, or committing adultery, or worshipping idols, or treating people badly, or judging them unrighteously while you have a beam in your own eye, etc...  God's answer to me was simply to work on loving Him and Others and as I do I will be doing the right things and I don't need to worry about who is right and who is wrong. As long as I love God and others I will not be deceived. Maybe those women who are pressing for the priesthood and other feminist agendas have a special calling by God that I don't have. So I am going to let them have their calling and love them and their traditional counterparts from afar and just not worry about it. Because God answered my prayer and it is simply to love others and love Him.

Isn't that neat? How God answered my prayers so simply through another person and through the scriptures. I just wanted to write it down so I wouldn't forget it.

Why Dating is Important

Dating is important. It is important when you are looking for that special someone. It is important to do after you have found that special someone and gotten married. It is especially important once the children come along.

Mark and I went on the most fabulous date last night. But let me first say that getting on the date was quite the adventure. Mark put Austin in his PJ's then went to get dressed. I was in the bathroom finishing getting ready. I looked over at Austin and he seemed to be fine. I looked over again a few minutes later when he was pulling on my pants and realized he had blood all over his onesie and leg. He didn't notice the blood. He wasn't crying. He just wanted attention.

So I called Mark in and we found the blood. It was pouring out of his finger. He had cut it on a misplaced razor cartridge that was somehow in his reach. So we put him in the bathtub to make sure the blood doesn't get on the white carpet. Who puts white carpet in a rental?! We smash his finger between ours to help the bleeding stop. That's when he starts crying. And he slips in the tub and smashes his face. We eventually manage to get a bandaid on but he tries to pull it off immediately. So Mark has this brilliant idea. We put a sock on his hand and tape the sock using packing tape all the way around the sock, his arm, and hand. Too bad there isn't a picture. It was pretty genius actually.

We go to get the bloody onesie off and put him in a clean one only to find that he has somewhere in that time had a massive poo. So 45 minutes late we are out the door with our club handed baby in tow. Poor kid. We drop him off, he goes right to sleep, and the date finally begins.

It was so awesome. We went to the mall and picked out fancy hand soap that was on sale at Bath and Body Works. We picked out a bunch of wax melts from Yankee Candle that were also on sale for half price! It was super fun picking them out together. Then we went to Dairy Queen and got Buster Bars. We reminisced about eating them with our moms when we were little. We reminisced about all the dates we had been on. We talked about how nice it was to just be the two of us and to have grown up conversation and not to have a 2 foot tall boss dictating just about every move we make or conversation we have. (Although I wouldn't trade bosses for anything in the entire world. Anything.)

Then we went mini-golfing. Did you know we'd never been together? Ever? It was our first mini-golf session as a couple. And it was awesome. We had a great time. We were pretty evenly matched. I beat Mark by one stroke. But he did get a hole-in-one once. That was pretty awesome.

Then we got to go and pick up our little boss (Thank's Jamie!) and do you know what Mark said as we were going to pick him up, "Isn't it awesome that picking him up gets to be the end of every date?" And I said, "Absolutely." He truly is the best kid ever.

But he is why dating is so important! Because today (even though he is the best kid ever) he was being his little rascally self around dinner time; and we were both so tired; and he was bouncing around and making a mess and causing a ruckus. And we were able to look at each other and say, "Wasn't last night awesome? Didn't we have the greatest time together?" Because with a toddler around it isn't possible for us to build up our own relationship in such a way that will keep it strong enough to create a good home for him.

Not only does dating help you build up your spousal relationship but it gets you through those long evenings of toddlerhood before bedtime when you think you just can't go one more step with smacking your kid or pulling out all your hair. In those moments you take a good look at your spouse and your heart is filled with warm, loving memories from your most recent date. (At least that is how it happened for me tonight :) And then you take a good look at your rascally kid and that warm loving memory helps you have more patience and more love for him too.

And that is why dating is important. For everyone in the family.

What I Hope For

I have the most beautiful picture of God in my mind's eye. It is almost indescribable.

I want Him to be everything I imagine: benevolent, firm, understanding, having high expectations, creative, artistic, brilliant. The list just goes on and on.

When I think about God I imagine the perfect parent and I feel so warm and happy inside. I think of how happy I am here and hope that this is not all there is to existence. I want so badly for there to be more. And I hope beyond hope that God is real. I want God to be real so badly. I want to meet this man I have envisioned. I want to meet his son, Jesus Christ.

Sometimes I believe he is real. Sometimes I hope he is real. Someday I hope I KNOW he is real and meet him face to face.

Family Reunion

In July we went to the Bailey Family Reunion at Tenney Ranch. It was over the 4th of July weekend. Everyone was there, including Mark! Up until 2 weeks before the reunion it looked like Mark wouldn't be able to come. But he worked it out with some of the attending radiologists to get the holiday weekend off.

Austin and I were planning on going the entire time. The family was excited to be seeing us but sad that Mark wouldn't be coming. Mark was going to be the only family member absent. But we sure surprised them! Mom's reaction was the best. She was just so excited! She walked in and everyone was sitting down to eat and we were all pretty quiet because we were waiting to see how long it would take her to notice Mark. She was shocked! She gave him a big hug and just couldn't stop saying how happy she was and how surprised and how we had totally gotten her. It was awesome. EVERYONE was excited to have him there :)

Austin and I went to Arizona a few days before Mark to spend some time with my mom. Austin and I stayed with her at her house. We just hung out most days. Nana watched Austin one morning so we could go to the temple together. It was lovely. I love spending time in the temple, especially when I have my mom with me. It was exactly what I needed-- some peace and quiet with my own mother. We had lots of great talks and Austin LOVED climbing up on her chair-and-a-half when the cushions were off and just bouncing around on it. It was so cute. We went to the park and played in her front yard and played with the new books and toys she bough just because Austin was coming to visit. She is an awesome grandma. But I mean, she was an awesome mom too so what can you expect? :)

After spending several days with Grandma Van Gesen, Mark flew into Phoenix! Grandma watched Austin while I drove down to get Mark. His flights were both delayed but he still made it to Phoenix! As we were driving home we saw some awesome fireworks being set off by a casino right on the side of the bee-line highway. It was awesome. We got back to Snowflake around 12:00 and surprised everyone the next morning by showing up at Tenney Ranch together.

The reunion was a blast. We did lots of fun things: jewelry making, mani-pedis, waterballoon volleyball, 5K race, family history lessons, family pictures, chess tournaments, arm wrestling tournaments, sliding, teeter-tottering, and lots and lots of visiting. It was a blast.

 Austin got to spend lots of time bonding with his Grandpa. He thinks Grandpa is pretty special. It might help that he looks a lot like dad :)

 Mark came in first for the 5K! Here he is coming in and right after the race. He said it felt good to beat his brothers but the best feeling of all was beating his dad :) Mark's dad is a great runner and runs at least one marathon a year if not more.

The Bakers brought their dog, Ruby. They just moved and can't have her in their current apartment so they brought her to give to the Tharps. It was fun having her around. The kids, including Austin, loved it. Austin got SO muddy playing with that dog.

 Austin LOVED his Nana. He absolutely loved her from day one. He had no stranger anxiety with her or anything. He loved to be held by Nana and just be with Nana. That was even before he got to choose out of Nana's goody bag! Nana is a special lady I guess!

Even though the reunion itself was "officially" over everyone stayed at Mom and Dad Bailey's house for an extra night. It was a blast being in such close quarters with everyone for one evening! It was a Saturday night and we all went to Eva's together for dinner. It was a little... ok a lot... crazy at dinner. Good thing we were completely isolated from all the other customers in the banquet room! The kids were super loud and all over the place. It was pretty funny. The food was amazing though, of course. Thanks Mom and Dad Bailey for treating us!

After dinner Mark, Austin, and I took a quick trip over to the cemetery so I could visit my dad's grave. I find it so peaceful and I love to visit it every time I go. It helps me feel close to him. We swung by my mom's house to grab Austin's jacket and then we met the whole family at the Taylor Rodeo Grounds for the 4th of July rodeo and fireworks. It was on the 6th of July. Go figure. I guess they just wanted to do it on a weekend :)

Austin was a little stinker most of the time but he eventually calmed down. Right when the fireworks started :) Watching the sunset from the top of the bleachers was really beautiful though. The rodeo was pretty good but not one bull rider was able to stay on the bull! The fireworks were great too.

Overall it was a fantastic trip. We can't wait until we get to see everyone again soon!