It's in the New Testament - when Lazarus was sick
Mary/Martha (can't remember which?) come up to the Savior and tell him that Lazarus is sick and that they need his help
He tells her that Lazarus will be fine, and not to worry and she leaves.
After she leaves, Jesus turns to his apostles and says that Lazarus is already dead, but that this will be a chance for him to show his power - and he goes about his business - for three whole days (if I remember right)
when he returns to the city, Martha (I think?!) comes running to him and says that Lazarus has died
And the part that I love most is this part - because Jesus already knows this. And he could say "look, give me two minutes, stop your crying, everything will be fine." - but instead, he cries with her.
Even though he knows everything will be alright in a few minutes - he's known it for days. At that point in time, and at that moment - it was important for Martha (?) to know that her pain was valid and nothing to be ashamed of.
I think the point of that story is that you've been through some really hard things this year, Amanda. Life hasn't been easy. And it's still not easy. There are lots of uncertainties.
And it's ok if that makes you sad, or nervous, or worried. The Savior won't fault you for that. As long as you turn to Him, and let Him help you through that pain - he can raise that symbolic 'death' for you. Bring your happiness back, your optimism. . . whatever it is that you need.
9:36pm Are you thinking of going back for a Masters?
9:36pm I think I will eventually - but not in the immediate future
at least not for the next three years for sure
I have some projects for school that I'll need to do before I can add anything else to my plate
9:37pm I don't think I'll have a job next year...
My school district is $10 million short for next school year. Since I am a first year teacher in the arts I am pretty sure I'll go first...
9:39pm I read that on your blog - I'm sorry, Amanda!
9:39pm I am going to try and find a private school I think.
Me too
9:39pm But you know what? If I learned anything in the last year, it's that God is ALWAYS in charge.
9:39pm But I guess it is all in the grand plan. Something will work out.
I have learned that too
Especially after my dad died and then after I had my miscarriage
It was a whirlwind year
9:39pm Yes.
And moving as well
For you, at least
How are you doing? Are you doing well?
What can I do for you?
9:40pm Mostly I am doing great. It has certaintly been an adjustment but I really love the east and it feel like home now
Just keep being my friend
:)
I need friends. And keep blogging because your blog is one of my favorites
Is there anything you need?
Are you happy?
9:42pm (lol. I'm blogging right now, actually.)
You know, for the most part - I'm very happy. What's even better is that I feel a lot of peace.
9:43pm Has the peace been a long time coming?
9:43pm Yes
At least four years in the making, I think
maybe more
9:44pm You know, I can tell just by the way you are writing and talking this last while that you are a different person in a way.
I am so glad you have found that peace
Do you know what has made the difference?
9:46pm Ultimately, I think what made the biggest difference was learning to be ok with myself
I spent a lot of time in college fighting against being myself because I felt like no one would accept me if I was myself.
9:47pm Wow. I hope this doesn't sound trite or anything but I am so happy for you. It takes a lot of personal strength and courage to get to that place.
And this little chat has helped me realize that I am not ok with me right now and that is probably part of my problem.
9:48pm Yeah - it's not an easy thing. I'm still fighting for it.
I've been very blessed to have a good friend close by lately that's similar to me - and we've worked through a lot of that together, which is nice
that's been a huge blessing.
9:48pm Is she a teacher too?
9:49pm :) 9:49pm But - yeah - learning to love myself as I am has been a huge battle - but one that was well worth the time it took to get there
9:50pm You're amazing Joni.
Can I just say too that I am kind of having a little crisis of faith over here. I am just not feeling particulary faithful or believing... have you ever had times like that?
9:53pm Yes
All last year. Lol
What's going on?
9:55pm You know I am just not sure. And I think the worst part is that I feel guilty for my unbelief. And I am having a hard time coming to terms with all the different religions and ways of life. It is sort of the question "Which of these is right, if any?" And I know what I have been taught to do but I don't feel like doing it. I have lots of questions and I am scared about what is going to happen in my future
sigh
All of these negative and pessimistic feelings just swirling around and around and around...
9:56pm Yeah. . . discouragement is basically the strongest tool the devil has at his disposal if you ask me
because it's so disabling
9:56pm It is! And fear and anxiety too...
9:57pm Thanks for being a listening ear Joni. Sometimes a girl just needs to talk. Thank you for being strong for me.
9:57pm You're welcome
:)Can I tell you what story really helped me when I felt like that?
9:58pm It's in the New Testament - when Lazarus was sick
Mary/Martha (can't remember which?) come up to the Savior and tell him that Lazarus is sick and that they need his help
He tells her that Lazarus will be fine, and not to worry and she leaves.
After she leaves, Jesus turns to his apostles and says that Lazarus is already dead, but that this will be a chance for him to show his power - and he goes about his business - for three whole days (if I remember right)
when he returns to the city, Martha (I think?!) comes running to him and says that Lazarus has died
And the part that I love most is this part - because Jesus already knows this. And he could say "look, give me two minutes, stop your crying, everything will be fine." - but instead, he cries with her.
Even though he knows everything will be alright in a few minutes - he's known it for days. At that point in time, and at that moment - it was important for Martha (?) to know that her pain was valid and nothing to be ashamed of.
I think the point of that story is that you've been through some really hard things this year, Amanda. Life hasn't been easy. And it's still not easy. There are lots of uncertainties.
And it's ok if that makes you sad, or nervous, or worried. The Savior won't fault you for that. As long as you turn to Him, and let Him help you through that pain - he can raise that symbolic 'death' for you. Bring your happiness back, your optimism. . . whatever it is that you need.
10:05pm Thank you so much for your thoughts Joni. I think I needed to be on here tonight to hear that from you. You're amazing! The next time I am in Utah or you are in North Carolina or anywhere near we should get together
:) Thank you so much.
I actually better get to bed (I'm running on about 4 hours of sleep after my huge travel day yesterday)
10:05pm Love ya
:) 10:05pm Love you too
:) 10:05pm Get some good sleep.
10:05pm I'll be praying for you.
10:06pm Hang in there! You can do it.
10:06pm I will hang in there.
Goodnight!
